Shit I Think About !

Hey hey hey all my thirteen fans hope your all bloody great !


So yeah couldn`t really think of a name for this blog as I dont actually have any certain topic to blog about just thought I would type whatever has been on my mind recently. :)


Tell ya what its nearly the end of winter here and fuck me im fucking excited ! Winter here is fucking dark and depressing and just plain shithouse ! People always tell me yeah well dont just complain get out there and go skiing and stuff , I did that , I went Snowboarding twice and I sucked balls ! I had done it once before in Australia (yes we have snow too haha) but that was 16 years ago and I had no fear and it turns out a much better sense of balance back then. Yes it was still fun and for sure im looking forwards to it next year but the point is its gunna take me a while to get good and another point is ITS STILL FUCKING COLD OUTSIDE !!! I come from Brisbane , sometimes it gets to 30 degrees CELCIUS in the WINTER !! Im just not used to not only being in such god damn cold weather (-20 celcuis) but also being inside so much, it sucks so much camel balls. I almost never used to watch movies or anything now I have seen nearly all of Netflix. Here is a random kinda nasty meme about Netflix haha :P Hey he deserves it ... probably ... ;)

 Back home we would always go to the park or have a BBQ or I would drive to the mountains and do a bushwalk, In fact every week I would always do a bushwalk even if it was just around the city (there was a sweet mini forest near where I used to live with my sister Teagan). Anyways dont wanna complain to much or I will seem like a dick but fuck man winter is fucked... like real fucked. What probably makes it also even worse is how good summer is here ! Sun, BBQ , swimming in the fjords and amazing sunsets at 11:30pm ! You would find a harder place to beat in the summer than Oslo when its 30 degrees and sunny and the fjords are warm. Bloody epdawg it is ! This following Picture is a sillhouette of Sara standing in the sunset at 11pm in summer in Oslo 11pm !!!!

What else is going Down?? The American election, or at least the election before the election whatever the fuck is up with that .... so far I (and many others) have come to the conclusion that  Donald Trump is the shittest cunt I have ever seen in my life, he is ugly, he is stupid , he is recist, he is sexist, he is a hypocrite and worst of all he is a MEGA CAPITALIST. Which is the LAST thing the world needs right now! The main reason for many if not ALL of the environmental, economic and social problems the world faces these days is a DIRCECT result of capitalism. This other guy Bernie Sanders looks really great and seems to have great policies including free healthcare and education for all and actually taxing the shit out of all these billionares who basically pay zero tax whilst the rest of us pay heaps and slave our whole lives to make these handfull of people all the money. You may wonder why I am almost referring to America like I live there but these days they are literally the world police and I live in the world and I would like to see the police I like ruling the world. Not that people need to rule the world but this is the shituation we find ourselves in these days. Either way Sara and I are going to America in June for her 30th birthday so I wont go on to much about the American government because I literally think there is a super small possibility that I could get in some trouble over there. I know how the NSA works thanks to Edward Snowden and now that I have only mentioned his name here it would probably come up on their list of material which needs closer analysing. Yeah I may sounds crazy but hey read a book about Edward Snowden and how .... ok I have said enough haha. We are goin to New York for five nights and I cant bloody wait ! We even booked tickets to see the New York Yankees which im pretty stoked about, not so stoked about going to see The Lion King on Broadway or some drag show she wants to go to also but I know it will make Sara happy so i suppose its worth it haha :P. This NeXT meme of Donald Trump sums up how I feel about him.... just FUCK !

Next topic, the world , the more I seem to learn about whats going on with the world the more depressed I get about it. Sometimes I wish I was just ignorant and had my head in the sand like many others pretending that there is no problems. But I cant do that, there is an endless amount of problems going down with the world RIGHT NOW, such as climate change, extremely bad economic systems which eventually will lead to the collapse of the worlds economy, the introduction of more and more robots into the workplace which in turn will lead to hundreds of millions of people being out of work IN OUR LIFETIME. All those Things and I havent even mentioned all the wars or the real reasons they are happening because what they (the government) tell you is far from true. Anyways I see now this blog is turning into more of a book or newspaper article (for those to young to know what a newspaper is Google it haha) so i will sign off and wish you all a fucking rad day ! Cheers for reading will be back again soon !


That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Getting on a packed bus kills my soul...

Hey hey hey all my city dwelling mates I hope your city isnt as busy as Oslo because Oslo is a bloody busy place. ( it is also a place where ppl keep to themselves way way way to much )

Today I got on the bus and there was probly about 734 other people on the bus and fuck me not only does it make me somewhat anxious and claustrophobic but it just reminds me that we are all just like sheep herded into a pen and then let off where we live. It really actually makes me depressed a bit because it reminds me of how I live my life. I WISH I lived in the country near a lake and I had some cows and a goat or even near the beach ... oh fuck that would be awesome ... pretty sure im just gunna just MAKE Sara move to Australia eventually because seriously I was thinking about it today and without a word of a lie there are only 4 good months here in Oslo , May-August ... the rest its either really fucking extremely cold or just pretty damn cold and raining and thats just bloody depressing.

Anyways back to the bus , there was this little guy , close to a midget but not actually a midget , but he had a bag as big as him on his back and he decided what a great idea it would be to read his magazine on the bus STANDING UP WITH 54 OTHER PEOPLE ....seriously what a fuckface , people amaze me sometimes ... no , all the time , but unfortunately its not really good things , for the most its just fucking stupid shit like that. So many people in this world think they are the only people in the world , but some people I see make me happy. There was a guy on the subway last night who was just singing and getting down to his music and he was so happy and he smiled at me and I smiled at him and it made me feel better about the world (kinda gay I know haha) , most people thought it was annoying and were looking at him kinda angry ... fuck them!

This reminds me of a time when I was on the subway here in Oslo and there was this homeless guy who managed to bring a whole box full of old rubbish onto the train and he dug in there and found an old used yogurt cup and he proceeded to squash it into his face and lick the nasty looking old yogurt that was still in there and it was fucking HILARIOUS ! Problem was I looked around at everybody else and if they werent to busy glued to their stupid phones they were just ignoring this guy , I just burst out laughing out loud and wondered why nobody else was. Nobody else was because Norway is such a fucking reserved place to live ... in Australia someone would have said something funny or at least many people would be laughing , no no , not Norway , people just keep to themselves and pretend like they cant see the smelly hobo sucking on an old yogurt cup hahahahaha fuck it still makes me smile when I think about it. So all in all remember to be happy and interact with other people in society because not only will it make you feel happier it makes other people feel happy and surely thats worth something ! :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Oslo is the 2nd most damn expensive city in the world ... fact!! Booooooo

Hey hey hey all my caviar eating mates I hope you dont have to pay $15 AUD for a beer like my ass does sometimes. Please note that AUD= Australian dollars , which are similar in value to American dollars. $1 AUD = $0.9 USD.

Ok so fuck me where I live is bloody expensive and instead of just complaining to my wife about it I figured I could channel some of my anger here in me blog haha. Have you EVER payed $15 AUD for a fucking beer ? I have and I wasnt to happy about it either , but hey we get paid so much here in Oslo it doesnt matter ... WRONG! Ok yes you get paid slightly more here than I did back home (about %15 more) But in the end that doesnt work out to more Money for more beer .... the problem is that EVERYTHING here is about %20 more expensive and whats worse is that you get taxed a rediculous %35 on my wage... back home I used to get taxed about %25 so all in all im loosing about %15 of my Income and its pretty damn shit. There are a LOT of things to love about living in Oslo but prices are not one ... it makes Lachlan very angry in fact.

This is a sign in a bar we were at and converted it means that a guiness costs you $17!!!!!!!!

I will never forget the first day I arrived and Sara and I went to an average cafe and I ordered a steak sandwhich and an orange juice and after I paid I worked out that it cost me $35 ! From then on I realised how fucked I was. But in saying that you can find ways to save money ... like drinking at the nastiest place I know to drink and its called the Rett Inn Bar and beers will only set you back a mere $8 per pint, its a place filled with low life degenerates and alcoholics and smells bad and is bad in general , but its a great spot to meet with ur mates to have a few quick beers before heading out to the real pubs and clubs where on average you will pay 70NOK or $13.50 per beer!! In Australia you could buy at least 2 beers for that much! What a fucking joke! Anyways you probly get my point and dont really care that much and I understand that. So now I will just make a quick list of prices of things and then you can remember to NEVER complain about anything that is expensive unless you live in Tokyo which is the most expensive city in the world.

Prices are averages in both Norway and Australia, some things are similar in price but not much. :(
ALL IN $AUD

NORWAY                                          AUSTRALIA
-Beer (pub) = $13.50                         =$7.50
-Beer 500ml (supermarket) = $5.5     =$5.5                                
-Take away pizza = $20                    = $13
-Bread = $4.50                                   = $4
-Milk = $3.80                                     = $4
- Hotdog+Energy drink = $15            = $10
-Meal at restuarant = $38                   =$25
-30 minutre Train Journey= $19        =$10

Anyways im sure you can see my point ;) So if you EVER complain about prices just remember poor old Lachie the Aussie in Oslo because that cunts nearly always paying more :P :P

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Living in Oslo Vol.2

Hey hey hey all my Oslonites ? What the hell do you call someone from Oslo ;) :P ah I looked it up but can't find it so I've decided it's not important .

So yeah this summer so far has been amazingly awesome compared to last year when it rained about 4-5 days per week , whereas this year its more like rain maybe 1 time per week and im fucking loving it yo ! :). Went for a big walk up the river in Central Oslo yesterday and it was awesome because I saw many interesting things , including but not limited to , a gypsy cooking something in a pot on a fire she had haphazardly made just next off the walkway , what looked like a junkie shooting up heroin in the forest on the side of the river and a half insane man playing a guitar underneath a bridge like some kind of half crazy troll who had a few guitar lessons, in amongst this madness I followed the river and not only did it feature some of Oslos most depraved and disgusting people it also had many waterfalls and nice forest areas also so it kinda evened out in the end .

In summer the Scandinavian people come out of their immaculately presented and maintained  apartments and lofts and begin what I have dubbed "The Scandinavian Sun Worship"  , as on any patch of grass no matter where u are in the city be it on a main road or next to a big industrial concrete factory you will find them in bikinis and board shorts soaking up all the sun they can before the winter begins and they all must retreat back into their apartments for winter hibernation . Unfortunately I am really starting to understand there obsession with the sun in the summer as in the winter its like being locked in a big dark freezer for about 5-6 months of the year . Just yesterday when I was happily walking along this beautiful river taking in the sun and the serenity of it all I shuddered as I thought about the impending arrival of the harsh mistress they call winter here and I made me think that soon this path will be frozen solid with ice and walking will become a battle of balance ( I look like a newly born giraffe with 3 legs on the ice in the winter haha ) and knowledge of where to step , when it's so cold your beard freezes and your testicles retreat so far up inside your body they are neighbors with your stomach and when you need to dress up like an eskimo to even contemplate going outside to take a smoke . Aaaaaanyways enough thinking about the winter as its a few months away yet and this summer is kicking ass right now ... I read its gunna be 24 degrees today which is basically a bloody heatwave here in Oslo ;) . Anyways hope ur all enjoying the summer and that you get your quota of sun before the bloody winter comes back ... winter can suck my left testicle ... that's what I reckon ;)

That is all ,Peace out, Catch ;) :) 

A couple of pictures from the Riverwalk I did ... cant believe this shits in the middle of the city ... 

In Norway its expensive to wipe your ass !!! ;)

Hey hey hey my rish ass wiping friends how are we all !! :)

Ok so Norway is one of the most expensive countries in the world with Oslo permanently residing in the top 5 most expensive cities in the world ( usually number 2 only to Tokyo ) ...and I live here haha with good reason though as my beautiful girlfriend Sara calls Oslo home ( even though she Is from Karlskrona in Sweden ) and so this is the reason I live here now and I don't mind it :)

Oslo attracts many Swedish workers because of the strong economy and wealth of jobs here ( unemployment I think is %3 ) and its so close to Sweden you would almost be crazy not to come here and cash in in the newfound wealth that has been bestowed upon Norway due to the discovery of  oil in the North Sea .

The first day when I arrived Sara and I went to a café , not a fancy one just a normal average café , and I ordered a biff smorsbrod ( steak sandwich ) and an orange juice and when I calculated it back to Australian dollars is cost about $ 36 ( 200 NOK ) and this is when I just though to myself ...fuck! ...im fucked! ....that's unbelievable! ....I have NEVER paid that much for any meal in my life let alone a fucking steak sandwich!. It takes a while to get used to how overpriced it is here but when you earn Norwegian Krone it seems less expensive ( but still pretty damn expensive haha )

I have worked out that I earn about  %25 more money here than I would back in Australia ....but everything is about %25 more expensive here than it is back home AND I pay %36 tax instead of about %25 back home , so all in all I basically loose about % 11 of my total income whilst enjoying a somewhat small improvement in the quality of life ...sort of haha ( 6 months of winter is definitely no improvement on basically no winter in Brisbane :P )

Sara and I were in a shopping center one day and she needed to use the toilet and when we found it we found that it costs 10 NOK , which is about $1.75 AUD ... that's fucking unbelievable ...this is why when people ask me if its expensive here I tell them that its expensive to wipe your ass here because its true !!

                 Bring your gold bullion ya'll its $1.75 to use the toilet in this place ! :P

All in all im not really trying to complain im basically just telling it how it is , oh and fuck I nearly forgot !! One time I was having a beer with a mate in the main street and it cost me 98 NOK which is about $16.50 AUD ....it was a pint I must admit but fuck me $16.50 FOR A FUCKING PINT !!! Needless to say I have found nearly all the cheap places to drink beer in Oslo, the cheapest ( and possibly the nastiest ) being a place called The Rett Inn Bar which serves pints of local beer for 42 NOK which is about $7 :)

Anyways im going to stop rambling on now I think I got my point across haha , Oslo is still a nice place with nice people and plenty to do ...just make sure you bring you gold bullion to pay for your beers haha ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch :)