Holy camel testicles Angela Merkel I just went past 12,000 views !!! :)

Hey hey hey all my loving and adoring fans ! Hope your all bloody great !
So yeah I just went past 12,000 page views for my blog !! :) . Whilst I am definitely not breaking any records or winning any awards I still think its pretty fucking epdawg !

Not really sure who reads my blog or if just a handfull of people read it and a shitload of other people get lost on the internet or possibly someone takes a lot of drugs and gets stuck in a constant loop of reloading my page constantly for hours upon hours... either way whatever it is I just wanted to say cheers (Australian for thanks) to the people who do read it. There are a few I know and a few that I have met through my blog and it makes me happy as fuck to know all my stupid ramblings are being read by people ... hopefully being appreciated aswell haha.

This is the list of the top places that have viewed my blog and how many views per country there is :) Kinda cool ! I know people obviously in Norway, Sweden, Australia and the United Kingdom but dont know anyone from those other countries. Which again is cool as fuck that people are reading my blog from all over the world. Even just this week people have read my blog from such random places as Mexico, India , Austria, Netherlands and Tanzania ... Tanzafuckingnia !! Pretty sweet! Just happy as fuck to be able to express my opinions and views and feelings about the world we live in.

Norway	3008
United States	2230
Australia	1551
United Kingdom	564
Sweden	524
France	398
Russia	378
Ukraine	369
Germany	316
Latvia	137

Anyways just a quick blog to say cheers and of course keep checking in every now and then to see what more stupid/crazy/informative and generally awesome things I have written on the interweb. You know now if you type Aussie in Oslo or even Australian in Oslo in Google my blog will come up first ! :). Kinda cool I reckon ! :) Cheers again and now i will reward you with some stupid but fucking hilarious meme I found on the internet today haha. Keep it real... like this kid !!
That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Some things I will never get used to in Norway !

Hey hey hey all my interweb mates , been having a lot of views from Poland lately ! Czesch ! I think thats how ya spell it haha u guys have crazy spelling , a few of my good mates here in Norway are Polish and I visited Szezchin a few months back and it was pretty cool , not the best city for a tourist but I went there cause a mate of mine is from there . Anyways moving on .

Ok so now its coming into winter here in Norway and it got me thinking about the many things are EXTREMLELY different from life back home in Australia. here are just some.

The Darkness -
In Norway in the winter the sun will only rise at around 9:00am and it will set around 3:00 so u get only 6 hours of sunlight , if there is any sun that is . I remember one time I literally did not see one second of sun for about 2 weeks and fuck me I nearly went insane ! But the darkness also has a good side , well kind of . In the summer there is fucking shiteloads of sun ! The sun will come up around 4:30 am and wont set until around midnight, which is cool as fuck and sometimes makes it a bit hard to get to sleep haha . Feels really weird going to bed most nights around 11 and its still light as day outside.

The Cold-
Coming from Australia this is an obvious one but seriously it get FUCKING COLD !! The coldest I have felt is around  minus 25 degrees celcius and when it gets that bloody cold I like to call it angry cold because I get angry when its that cold . Minus 10 or 15 actually isnt that bad (never thought it would ever say that) and u can deal with minus 15 but when it gets minus 25 its just fucked.

The drinking culture-
Norwegians dont mind a drink and like to party almost as much as Aussies , well not almost but still they do. But the crazy thing is that in the summer they drink and party HEAPS and its a normal thing to go to the fjord or park and drink and have bbqs until midnight even on a Monday night if there is sun . Buuuut if you are walking around the city with a beer in winter or any of the colder months then people just look at you like your some kind of criminal or low life scum and it really shits me . Note in this photo the chicks in bikinis behind these people , this park would be in the middle of the city yet there are chicks in bloody bikinis everywhere haha crazy shit right there ! N.B I dont know these people haha

The sports-
The most popular sport in Norway after soccer would be cross country skiing and seriously I dont understand why ? Ok you come from a country where there is a LOT of snow and you all like to ski/snowbaord but why cross country ski !? What about the half pipe in snowboarding or the aerial skiing where they do like 6 flips and 12 spins and a grab and then land. THAT is cool !. Watching people basically run with skiis for like 30 kilometres . Its like if marathons were the most popular sport in Australia , there is basically zero skill involved , its all about stamina , and whilst I do admire their stamina and their endurance its about as exciting as watching people run on a treadmill for 2 hours . Probably now the government will find out I said these things and I will soon be deported as is the level of love these people have for this mind numbingly boring sport.

The social interaction , or lack thereof -
In Australia when Sara came to visit me we were in a lift on the way down from our apartment we were staying in and some lady hopped in and just said gday what are you guys up to today and I said this and that and asked her the same and then we got out and went our own way and Sara immediately asked me -"did you know that lady?" I said no she was just being friendly and this kind of shit happens everywhere everyday in Australia but does that happen here . NO (well not much) . A lot of my good mates back home have been made from meeting people in the apartment buildings where I lived but that is most probably not going to happen here . Its not that people are not friendly they just like to keep to themselves , if you say hello to them they will say hello back and be friendly but thats about it. Oh and whilst we are talking about social interaction I may aswel talk about the whole mobile addiction thing . People in Norway seem to think that their phones actually give them life and that if they dont look at their phone for 10 minutes they might die . Often I see couples out on a date or even a group of friends and they are ALL sitting there staring at their stupid fucking phones and not actually talking to each other .

The whole not going outside for 6 months -
This is probably the biggest thing that gets to me because back home I was always doing things outside - playing Soccer/cricket/football , bushwalks , bodyboarding , camping and many other things but because I cant ski or snowboard because I have a knee that needs reconstruction there is really not much to do in the winter but sit inside and watch movies and play boardgames and "make cosy" as Sara likes to call it haha. The good thing is that now I have a few good mates so we can get together and have a couple of beers and play some poker or something like that :)

The amount of hot chicks -
It is REDICULOUS how good looking the women are in Scandanavia (Lucky I got me one) , I even wrote a previous blog post dedicated to just that. I say that in Norway even the ugly chicks are hot haha . A mate of mine says that the chicks are so hot you wanna marry the chick serving you at McDonalds. I dont know what they have in the water up here but whatever it is is bloody working! This is a Picture of what basically ALL the chicks look like in Norway/Sweden , ;)

Ok methinks that is enough now because nobody wants to read a bloody book , this is a blog not a diary haha. I hope I didnt offend any Scandos with my thoughts but really you gotta admit cross country ski is boring as fuck haha :P

That is all , Peace out, Catch ;)

Preikestolen hike with Sara and some mates .... was fucking epdawg yo ! ;)

Hey hey hey all my hiking mates I hope you get the chance to hike up this mountain called Preikestolen on the west coast of Norway and see what we saw because it is truly specfuckingtacular !

So on the weekend Sara and I travelled to Stavanger which is on the bottom west coast of Norway and holy fuck what a Place ! It is in amongst all the epic fjords and there are many islands intermingled in between huge mountains and the fjords. We met a mate of ours there and we went on this hike up this mountain to come to a place called Preikestolen and it was god damn awesome ! Its basically a huge rock hanging off the side of a mountain and its 604m STRAIGHT DOWN ! This is a picture of me and Sara sitting near the edge ... :) Note that I said NEAR the edge because I was literally shitting in my pants .... its also pretty damn windy up there and that sure doesnt help ;)

 

 

Tell ya what else doesnt help was when there was this section where you had to walk around the side of the mountain and there was a ledge about 2m wide and I happened to run into a bunch of fucking dick head teenagers and they were literally JUMPING off fucking rocks onto this 2m ledge right infront of me !!! I was absolutely shitting myself I just felt like punching them in the head and screaming are you fucking stupid ! If you slip and fall you take me and yourself over a 604m ledge and there aint no coming back from that ! Aaaaanyways other than that it was really really good ! I mean it was amazing to be up there but also pretty damn shit scary ... I have done bungy jumping and skydiving but this was probably scarier because there is no safety harness. We were sitting about 1.5 metres from the edge and I thought that was pretty good haha ... but a lot of people actually sit on the edge with their legs dangling over and some people were also taking jumping photos right where we were sitting in the above photo .... so many people are just either insane or just stupid ... or both. Here is a photo of me looking out from the edge in what the Scandos Call the "meditation photo". Yes I know im going bald , no I dont give a shit haha , not much you can do about that ! ;)

 

 



 

Anyways it was a bloody good day and was a pretty hard hike , about 2 hours to get up and 2 hours down and it was a lot of uphill sections , which quickly reminded me how unfit I have actually become haha , but hey with a few (many) stops on the way we made it to the top and it was more than worth it ... what a bloody awesome place !!! This last photo is just a group photo of our "crew" , it was Sara , our Norwegian mate Chris and his Norwegian mate Bjorn ( very Scandanavian name right there haha) and of course myself , when we got to the top we had a couple of beers and a hotdog (Scandanavians bloody LOVE their hotdogs and there one time BBQ`S).

Look how Close Sara got to the edge!! I was not even close to that and I was shitting myself haha

This is a pic of us men having a beer at the top ... much deserved and much enjoyed !! ;)

I hope that anyone Reading this sees how amazing this is and it will inspire you to get out and see the world because its god damn fucking awesome ... and the best part is that its always FREE !!! Get onto it ! :)

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;)

Getting on a packed bus kills my soul...

Hey hey hey all my city dwelling mates I hope your city isnt as busy as Oslo because Oslo is a bloody busy place. ( it is also a place where ppl keep to themselves way way way to much )

Today I got on the bus and there was probly about 734 other people on the bus and fuck me not only does it make me somewhat anxious and claustrophobic but it just reminds me that we are all just like sheep herded into a pen and then let off where we live. It really actually makes me depressed a bit because it reminds me of how I live my life. I WISH I lived in the country near a lake and I had some cows and a goat or even near the beach ... oh fuck that would be awesome ... pretty sure im just gunna just MAKE Sara move to Australia eventually because seriously I was thinking about it today and without a word of a lie there are only 4 good months here in Oslo , May-August ... the rest its either really fucking extremely cold or just pretty damn cold and raining and thats just bloody depressing.

Anyways back to the bus , there was this little guy , close to a midget but not actually a midget , but he had a bag as big as him on his back and he decided what a great idea it would be to read his magazine on the bus STANDING UP WITH 54 OTHER PEOPLE ....seriously what a fuckface , people amaze me sometimes ... no , all the time , but unfortunately its not really good things , for the most its just fucking stupid shit like that. So many people in this world think they are the only people in the world , but some people I see make me happy. There was a guy on the subway last night who was just singing and getting down to his music and he was so happy and he smiled at me and I smiled at him and it made me feel better about the world (kinda gay I know haha) , most people thought it was annoying and were looking at him kinda angry ... fuck them!

This reminds me of a time when I was on the subway here in Oslo and there was this homeless guy who managed to bring a whole box full of old rubbish onto the train and he dug in there and found an old used yogurt cup and he proceeded to squash it into his face and lick the nasty looking old yogurt that was still in there and it was fucking HILARIOUS ! Problem was I looked around at everybody else and if they werent to busy glued to their stupid phones they were just ignoring this guy , I just burst out laughing out loud and wondered why nobody else was. Nobody else was because Norway is such a fucking reserved place to live ... in Australia someone would have said something funny or at least many people would be laughing , no no , not Norway , people just keep to themselves and pretend like they cant see the smelly hobo sucking on an old yogurt cup hahahahaha fuck it still makes me smile when I think about it. So all in all remember to be happy and interact with other people in society because not only will it make you feel happier it makes other people feel happy and surely thats worth something ! :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

We stayed in a cabin in the Norwegian countryside ... it was freaken EPDAWG !

Hey hey hey all my nature loving mates how the fuck is your person ? I hope your bloody good , im ok , not good not great just ok .... not having a job really sucks a huge amount of testicles but hey getting depressed and shit wont help so thats why I aint to bothered ;)

Anyways just before christmas last year Sara and I went and stayed at a mates cabin in the Norwegian countryside (Norefjell to be exact) and fuck me it was so freaken AWESOME ! First of all it was like a full on log cabin place but it still had all the ammentaties like kitchen\bathroom\lounge room and also a kick ass fireplace. There was a lot of snow and we drank a lot of booze and talked a lot of shit...what more could ya want !?. Here is a pictue of the cabin and how awesome it looked. Would say more but these pictures explain themselves about how awesome it was ;)

 

So yeah this is where we stayed for a couple of nights and fuck me it was so awesome ! They even had this other hut\building that was ONLY for BBQ`s and seriously it was nearly the BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ! I mean as an Aussie I already love BBQ`s shitloads and to have a HOUSE OF BBQ was just freaken amazing ... its just a house with a huge BBQ pit in ithe centre and seats all around so in the winter you can just chill in there and have a BBQ and get drunk and damn thats what we did, with much pleasure. Anyways again words dont express well enough how cool it was so here are some pics of it ;)

 

And this is what is looked like on the inside ... JUST ONE HUGE BBQ !!! ;) Check it out ! ;)

Honestly I was like a fat kid in a candy store with the BBQ house .... I still seriously think its the coolest thing EVER! Much appreciation to Mikaela and Leif for having us stay there ... good company in good places ... you just cant beat that shit thats for sure ! ;) Anyways just had to share this time with my blog peeps cause it was dang awesome ! ;)

Here is a picture of my tackling a snowcastle that I made hahaha its def not the most flattering picture of me but hey I realised I really dont give a fuck ;) Good times indeed ! :D

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

 

The government is there to help you become the poorest you can be ! THANKS C#NTS !

Hey hey hey all me 2014 intraweb pals , happy new year ! Hope your new years was freaken EPDAWG like mine ! :) :)

So here is the deal , im gunna complain heaps about governments and how shit they are and how much they let people down , so if you like governments .... then... your a dick head because seriously they are so fucked up.

So yeah I have been unemployed now for around 4 months ( With some small part time work in between ) But for the most part have been living cheap and being boring. The thing that shits me is that I cant get any financial assistance from the government here in Norway or either back home in Australia ... and this makes me so fucking ANGRY ... I have worked for over 10 years paying my taxes (which are excessivly high) and I have NEVER been on unemplyment benefits but now when I actually need it I cant get it , mainly because my visa has run out here in  Norway ... why you ask has it run out .... because even though im married and I applied for this visa early October last year I couldnt get a fucking apointment to hand in my papers until JANUARY 6TH !!!! Over 3 months just to have an apointment where all I do is hand in my papers and then am promptly told that it will take up to 6 months but hopefully less ... which means it will most likely take fucking 10 months ! They have this fucked up system here in Norway where if you didnt earn more than 127,000 NOK ( around $15,000 AUD ) then you CANT GET ASSISTANCE .... so basically your telling me that because I didnt earn a certain amount of money LAST year that I can get any assistance THIS year ... oh yeah makes heaps of sense.... awesome government.

This is my view of the typical politician\CEO\ anyone in a position of great power really...

 

You know what really gets to me is that I have worked here for around 15 months and worked fucking hard (much harder than most) and I paid the rediculously high tax rate of %35 and what do I get to show for it ... fucken nothing .... so im sorry but I just needed to have this rant because im really fucking angry as its so hard to find work here in Oslo right now and I cant get help from either my government or the Norwegian one .... seriously ... what the fuck is the point in paying taxes if I cant get a little help from the government ... just ONCE you CUNTS !

READ THIS SCALE GRAPH AND YOU WILL SEE WHY I HATE GOVERNMENTS !!!

The crazy shit is that I have this piece of paper that says I am able to work in Norway while my visa is being processed but I CANT get ANY Financial assistance ... even though I can work .... what the fuck???.  I would understand if I had just arrived or something but I have been working here for nearly 1.5 years and paid shitloads of tax ... but for what reason ?

Anyways dont want to rant on to long because its depressing but i really needed to vent my anger about this shituation ;) Hope you all dont fall into the cracks of the bullshit government systems that we all live under. :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

The differences between Australia and Norway ...

Hey hey hey all my Auswegian friends I hope your all good and I also hope you have a good sense of humour if your from Norway/ Australia because your gunna have to be able to laugh at yourself !

So yeah here`s the deal , the other day a question was raised in the "Aussies in Oslo" facebook page and it was wether Norway/Norwegians are boring. Short answer I said yes ... its not that everyone/everything is boring ... just a lot of people are ... for instance there has only been ONE occasion where I have been to a supermarket and the person has actually asked how my day is ... and he was a champ who I actually became friends with , either way my point is that if you were a Scandanavian living in Australia going to the same supermarket each day and get served by the same people that after a time you would actually get to know that person (not everyone of course but some) Another good example is that if you are outside a pub having a smoke in Norway pretty much nobody will talk to you but in Australia you actually make friends in the smoking area and then continue to drink with them the rest of the night. Now whilst I must stress not ALL Norwegians are like this ... I have Norwegian friends who are more crazy and loose than anyone I know back home ... but its all about the majorities in this topic of conversation. Now I will comprise a small/big list of the differences between Our two countries.

                                             How Norwegians celebrate their national day -

EVERYBODY dresses up in suits and traditional costumes and parades around the city waving flags.

                                            How Australians celebrate their national day-

Pretty much everybody goes to a backyard party with a blow up pool and "goon of fortune" (Norwegians look it up !) and our favorite radio station ( Triple J ) Counts down the hottest 100 songs of the past year , and if your not drunk as hell by 9pm then your Un-Australian!!.

                                                              How Norwegians party-

They are generally well behaved and of course very very well dressed , shit gets out of control but its always managable and pretty sensible.

                                                               How Australians party -

This guy is a true example of an Australian partying ... just not giving a fuck and looking/acting like a total dick for everyone elses enjoyment ... this epitomises what it means to be an Australian and be partying.

                                                          Norwegian alcohol stores-

Closed on Sundays , only open until 3pm on Saturday ! Closes at 8pm weekdays , government has a monopoly over selling alcohol as they own these Vinmonopolet`s and nobody else can sell alchohol other than beer and only beer less than %5 ... I like how it sounds like MONOPOLY. Stupid government.

                                                             Australian alchohol stores-

We have DRIVE THROUGH bottle stores! (I do NOT condone drink driving) Most bottle stores are open until midnight every night except Sunday on which they Close at 10pm. There is almost as many bottle stores as 7-elevens in some Places.

                                                            Norwegians Seasons -

                                                                  Winter

                                        
            
                                                                    Summer

                                                                    Australian Seasons-

                                                                        Winter
Taken at a Beach (Noosa) 2 hours drive from where I live in the middle of June ( middle of "Winter")

 

                                                                     Summer

 

 

Whilst I do admit that Norwegian summers are almost as good as the Australian summers (if the beaches had waves they would be Equal) the problem is they only last around 3 months and then its back inside for everybody.

 

                                                                   Norways deadliets animals-

 



 

 

Australia`s deadliest animals- to many to list but heres a few!

 

 

 

 



 

Worlds deadliest snake - Taipan

 

 

Ok so I think thats it for a while haha but I really hope I havent offended anyone in making this list I just have been here in Norway for nearly 2 years and find the differences between the 2 countires mildly amusing ... and crazy at times. Hope you all visit both countries if you have never been before as they are both bloody awesome ... just Australia is best ... the greatest country in the world ! Sorry I know I am biased but even so I truly beleive that its true. Cheers mates ! :)

 

That is all, Peace out, Catch 

 

A bit about myself ;)

G'day g'day all me drongo mates I hope your all having a bloody great day :)

Ok so i read some website thingo today and it suggested that I should tell people a little bit about myself on my blog ... I mean I tell people about what I like and what I dislike and everything in between but not actually that much about myself :) ok here we go ;)

So im 28  years young and im from Australia as you probably know and I now am currently living in Oslo , Norway and I like sometimes to drink the milk straight from the carton and do poos with the door open when nobody's home ... nothing more liberating lol . I was born in Brisbane ( Brisvegas as we call it ) and I lived there my whole life until I packed up all my shit ( one huge backpack and one small one and a few other things at my mums back home ) sold my ute and moved over the other side of the world to be with my beautiful girlfriend Sara who is Swedish and I met in an Irish pub in Thailand of all places ... her friend Agne just happened to be dancing drunkenly underneath the tv on which I was watching cricket and I went over and started talking and the rest is history as they say ;) I've been living here for about 1.5 years and its been amazing ... fucking freezing for about 6 months here in Oslo but other than that its been awesome ... have managed to check out heaps of different countries which include Morocco , Italy , Croatia , England , France , Sweden , Denmark , Scotland and of course Norway and they have all been so awesome in their own different ways with the best 2 being Croatia and Scotland :D

I love music and am constantly listening to it ... u should see the fuckin epic speakers I bought here in Norway ... 6 speakers, 1000 watts and a fucking massive subwoofer that rumbles my whole apartment on % 50 volume ;) :D I hate reality tv shows like Jersey Shore and paradise hotel and hate everything related to them and everyone on them ... I love sport and played soccer for about 15 years until I fucked up my knee I also played cricket, rugby , water polo , futsall and did a lot of bodyboarding ( similar to surfing but you lie down on the board ) . I love to drink and have a good time but unfortunately I have the same problem as many Australians and whilst im not an alcoholic by any means I would consider myself a bingeaholic as everytime I drink I usually always drink enough for about 3 people and end up passing out under a bridge and just generally fucking shit up lol ... not such a good thing but you get that on the big jobs ( Australian saying :P )

Wat else ... I work on a construction site here in Oslo as a painter/plasterer and whilst I dont like my job I also don't hate it so it could be worse lol ... I more hate the fact I always have to GO to work and I can't just spend my life on a Croatian beach drinking 2 litre beers and eating amazing food ... but at the moment im usually only having around 5 or 6 weeks holiday a year which is more than a lot of people but never seems enough to me ;)

Can't really think of much else at the moment but one thing I thought everyone should know is that one time I ate an alive fish from my mates fish tank cause I was mega drunk and dared to and I had been watching to much of Man VS Wild and thought I my first name was Bear ... turns out it was just nasty and it was flapping around a lot in my mouth until I chomped it a few times and swallowed it ... fucked up but hey ... you get that on the big jobs ;) :P

Not sure if anyone actually cared about any of that shit but the intraweb suggested I do it and it never lies ... just like the T.V and any Catholic priest ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

A couple of photos of the idiot who writes this blog ;) The first is me on some ponyride thingo in Copenhagen and the second is me enjoying a beach here in Oslo :) :D . Cheers all ! :)