G'day Russia !! :)

Hey hey hey all my Russian readers I hope your all good and the vodka is flowing like the Niagra Falls  :)

So lately I have noticed a lot more Russian views on my blog ... now im not sure if that's all just the KGB or if people actually like my blog in Russia ... im actually hoping it will be both ... im hoping to have heaps of KGB agents as my viewers cause that would be awesome . We could maybe get together and share a few vodkas and talk about how much we hate America and how the Australian cricket team will go against England in the Ashes cricket series ... ok maybe not that last one . I hope maybe it's one of the many Russian billionaires who like my blog and they want to hire me to write them a fake blog so they seem funny and interesting and they will pay me $24, 999 per blog post cause that's my going rate ;) :P

But seriously as I have said before the range of countries that people view my blog from is just crazy ... I saw the other day that in one day 23 Germans , 16 Latvians , 4 French , 1 Serbian , 1 Bosnian and more had checked out me blog and I think its super cool to have people in so many different countries read all the shit im talking about lol ... I must say though im pretty good at talking shit ;) And remember kids you can only become a master at talking shit if you practice a lot and always take the rubbish out before it starts to smell and have maggots coming from it .

Having a blog is kinda like being addicted to methamphetamine because im always going on my phone to check how many views I have had today and what random countries they are from ... and when my views drop I have to post another thing up so I don't loose my " Viewer high " ... there's even a bloody graph showing me the rate of views over any specific time lol

Anyways just wanted to say g'day to all my Russian friends and its awesome I can entertain you in some small way ;)

That is all, Peace out, Catch ;)

If I don't get over my blog addiction soon then this is what I will end up like :( ;) 

Please post more pictures of your babies on Facebook ... 7000 per day just isn't enough !!

Yo yo yo all my baby posting hoes I hope that your all good and your baby is very photogenic ! :)

So yeah as I become more awesome ( older ) more and more of my friends are starting to have babies ... which is cool ... what is not cool is that some of them feel the need to post up around 48 different pictures of it everyday ... I mean I understand that you love your baby and think its the greatest thing in the world but seriously I don't need to see 48 pictures per day ...  OMG this is a pic of when our baby first rolled over on its right side in this particular bed at this particular time on a Wednesday which was the 15th ... well holy fucking shit thats just amazing isn't it ... who would have thought !! Unbelievable !!

Anyways enough about that and more about other stupid facebook thing's ... and there are many ... ok so this is kinda Facebook related but more phone related but seriously ... what the fuck is the go with this candy crush saga bullshit ... it's just a kids game but it seems to be all the rage nowdays ... its just bloody tetris but instead of blocks you got freaking candy or sometimes even apples or something ... this is a gross misadvertisement as the name should be candy crush saga FT. random fruits ! But seriously its getting out of control ... people will play and do anything if that's what the masses are doing ... im going to invent the newest craze and its going to be a game where you have two rectangular shaped lines on each side of the screen and a small dot representing a ball in the middle and you have to hit the ball back and forth in a kind of ping pong motion but im going to call it Jersey Shore Ping Pong Slampas Get Down And Dirty Volume i1.fuck you . It's gunna make millions possibly billions of dollars and then maybe I can live out my fantasies of banning all reality tv shows and forcing all the people who are currently on or who have ever been on a reality on to a big Island with no food and only water and tell them they need to fight to the death and be the last one standing if they are to keep their useless and material lives and there will be cameras everywhere and it will be called The Reality Show Showdown ... enough is enough , you've ruined our gene pool enough already . And the winner will actually be killed and taxidermied ( stuffed ) and they will be kept in a museum to show future generations of what can happen when the world goes terribly wrong .

When I have a baby im going to post up at least 7000 photos per day at least and om going to hire a personal assistant just to take care of the posting as it will be a full time job ;)

Think thats about it for a while , got nothing else to say really except Jersey Shore your ruining the world ... one brain dead teenager at a time ... if we're not careful in 50 years someone called Snooki Wow Wow will rule the earth and force everyone to have fake tan and carry ugly looking dogs around in our Luis Vuitton handbags that we all paid $24000 for .

That is all , Peace out ,Catch ;)

South parks version of Snooki ... if we are not careful she will rule the world with her boyfriend in the picture below called T - Dawg and the world will be finished ... 

80 year old Japanese man climbs mount Everest !

Hey hey hey all my mountaineering mates I hope your all reaching the summits of life even if you cant do Mt Everest ;)

So incase you missed it a couple of months ago I read that some 80 year old Japanese man made it to the top of Mt Everest ! This is just unacceptable behavior because he is showing us all up ... I mean cmon ... 80 !! Il be lucky if I can shit on my own by the time im 80 ... il need someone to blend up my steaks so I can eat them with a straw . The craziest thing about this whole situation is that this same guy has not only climbed it one time but he has climbed it 3 times !! He also conquered the highest peak in the world at the ages of 75 and 70 ... bloody overachiever right there ! But in all seriousness this guy is a legend and a testament to the amazing durability of both the human physical form and its mental capabilities and I congratulate him on his achievements ... even if it makes pretty much everyone else except Richard Branson seem insignificant in comparison .

When I did a bungy jump in New Zealand which was just crazy and 134 m high strung between 2 cable cars perched in between 2 mountains I thought I was extreme and adventurous ... only to find out that an 11 year old girl and her 55 year old grandmother were also doing it ... god dammit lol . Also after I did my skydive in Brisvegas my mum proceeded to tell me that my late step grandfather had also done a skydive for his 70th birthday ... I mean cmon are you fucking serious ! Lol

All I can hope is that I don't loose my sense of adventure and continue ( much to Sara's dissatisfaction ) to do the more daring and exciting things in life right up until I leave this wonderful world we live in . My next ambition is to do the biggest bungy jump in the world which is in Maccau at the top of a 233m high building called the Maccau tower ... it looks freaking awesome !! Here is a YouTube video of someone taking the jump. :) I hope everyone reading this will open up their minds and person to some of the crazier things the world has to offer :) check out this video of the Maccau tower bungy jump :) Ok because im not very technologically advanced I can't figure out how to post a link up using just my phone so you will just have to youtube the video yourself :) Macau Tower bungy jump and heaps will come up ! Cheers all :D 

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

This is the 80 year old dude who climbed Mt Everest !!! What a legend ... but also somewhat of an ass for making everyone else's achievements seem so insignificant lol :) 

A bit about myself ;)

G'day g'day all me drongo mates I hope your all having a bloody great day :)

Ok so i read some website thingo today and it suggested that I should tell people a little bit about myself on my blog ... I mean I tell people about what I like and what I dislike and everything in between but not actually that much about myself :) ok here we go ;)

So im 28  years young and im from Australia as you probably know and I now am currently living in Oslo , Norway and I like sometimes to drink the milk straight from the carton and do poos with the door open when nobody's home ... nothing more liberating lol . I was born in Brisbane ( Brisvegas as we call it ) and I lived there my whole life until I packed up all my shit ( one huge backpack and one small one and a few other things at my mums back home ) sold my ute and moved over the other side of the world to be with my beautiful girlfriend Sara who is Swedish and I met in an Irish pub in Thailand of all places ... her friend Agne just happened to be dancing drunkenly underneath the tv on which I was watching cricket and I went over and started talking and the rest is history as they say ;) I've been living here for about 1.5 years and its been amazing ... fucking freezing for about 6 months here in Oslo but other than that its been awesome ... have managed to check out heaps of different countries which include Morocco , Italy , Croatia , England , France , Sweden , Denmark , Scotland and of course Norway and they have all been so awesome in their own different ways with the best 2 being Croatia and Scotland :D

I love music and am constantly listening to it ... u should see the fuckin epic speakers I bought here in Norway ... 6 speakers, 1000 watts and a fucking massive subwoofer that rumbles my whole apartment on % 50 volume ;) :D I hate reality tv shows like Jersey Shore and paradise hotel and hate everything related to them and everyone on them ... I love sport and played soccer for about 15 years until I fucked up my knee I also played cricket, rugby , water polo , futsall and did a lot of bodyboarding ( similar to surfing but you lie down on the board ) . I love to drink and have a good time but unfortunately I have the same problem as many Australians and whilst im not an alcoholic by any means I would consider myself a bingeaholic as everytime I drink I usually always drink enough for about 3 people and end up passing out under a bridge and just generally fucking shit up lol ... not such a good thing but you get that on the big jobs ( Australian saying :P )

Wat else ... I work on a construction site here in Oslo as a painter/plasterer and whilst I dont like my job I also don't hate it so it could be worse lol ... I more hate the fact I always have to GO to work and I can't just spend my life on a Croatian beach drinking 2 litre beers and eating amazing food ... but at the moment im usually only having around 5 or 6 weeks holiday a year which is more than a lot of people but never seems enough to me ;)

Can't really think of much else at the moment but one thing I thought everyone should know is that one time I ate an alive fish from my mates fish tank cause I was mega drunk and dared to and I had been watching to much of Man VS Wild and thought I my first name was Bear ... turns out it was just nasty and it was flapping around a lot in my mouth until I chomped it a few times and swallowed it ... fucked up but hey ... you get that on the big jobs ;) :P

Not sure if anyone actually cared about any of that shit but the intraweb suggested I do it and it never lies ... just like the T.V and any Catholic priest ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

A couple of photos of the idiot who writes this blog ;) The first is me on some ponyride thingo in Copenhagen and the second is me enjoying a beach here in Oslo :) :D . Cheers all ! :) 

Getting old sucks testicles

Hey hey hey my old and wise friends I hope your aging better then I am, because im not doing so well lol ...

So im 28.5 years old now and at the end of next year I turn 30 and this ain't cool yo ... In fact its the opposite ... for instance if im 30 and I use yo and gangster and such street talk then I will just look old and tragic , well I imagine so anyways . The reason I decided to write about this is that im at the end of a 2 day hangover and it was just fucked up ... thats the only way to describe the whole experience. We were in Sweden for the weekend with a group of 8 of us staying at the beach in a Smallish town called Halmstad and oh did we drink ... on Saturday I managed to drink about 10 beers and half a bottle of whisky and half a bottle of vodka and fucking jesus christ I had a hangover for 2 days ... tonight is the first time I actually ate anything besides 2 bannanas in 2 days ... when we were driving home it was torture as we were 4 people in a mini cooper and my other friends decided it would be a great idea to crank up the music and it was just terrible music such as mambo number 5 , Vengaboys and hard trance, all cranked up to deafening levels  and we did a shitload of shopping in Swedenland so I literally could not move at all as its so much cheaper then Norway so we all bought up big . lol either way I spent basically the whole 5 hour trip trying not to vomit all over the car which I ended up doing promptly as soon as I got home lol .

Im also starting to go bald at a very alarming rate lol ... this sucks as im not even 30 yet god dammit . I was never really under any illusions that I would go bald as my dad is as bald as a really really bald man ;)  So now I have to spray this hair loss treatment onto my hair 2 times per day and this is very depressing but fucked if im gunna be bald before im 30 so im gunna try and delay the inevitable ... thinking about spraying some on me beard so it can become even better lol ... might actually help cover up the fact that my mate Daniel decided to set my beard on fire on Saturday night lol .

Another thing that has happened is that I've managed to fuck my knee up so bad that literally every time I leave the house I gotta put on my massive knee brace with 4 different straps otherwise my knee will collapse and I won't be able to walk properly for a few days ... I fucked it playing soccer  (  like 2 snapped ligaments and post traumatic damage to the miniscus where the knee sits in )  then since then ive fucked it numerous times in between trying to play soccer on it again and drunken nights out ... one such night I was so drunk here in Oslo that I forgot I can't run and decided it was a great idea to try and do a runner from the taxi and it just ended up with me running about 50m before my knee collapsed and I proceeded to attempt to hide behind a parked car which didn't work as the driver instantly found me at which point I threw my wallet at him and yelled that I had no money as I actually didn't at that point ... the worst thing was that I left my phone in his cab and had to meet him with Sara the next day to pay the fare and retrieve my phone ... not cool lol , but on the other hand I receivedmy wallet back in the mail from the police about a week later ... awesome ;) ... Karma I reckon ;) lol

Anyways getting old sucks testicles but it's something you can't avoid like working and relatives , my advice is to just embrace it as best you can and remind yourself that you never get old, you just become wiser and more awesome ;) :D

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

I don't get old ... I just get more awesome ... like this couple ... rock on guys !! :)

Unrequited friends are shit ! ;)

Hey hey hey all my friends who find it hard to take a hint , I hope your all good ... but I mostly hope u will just go away and leave me alone ( N.B o dont really mean this cause I love you all ....DEEPLY ;P )

So there is this guy at my work and he won't leave me alone and he is always coming up to me and talking just absolute shit that in no way is funny or even entertaining in any way whatsoever , but im too nice to tell him to just fuck of and go tell your bullshit stories to someone as boring as yourself so you can both be bored and very unfunny together ... maybe even have some kind of boring convention where you just watch bits of cardboard slowly deteriorate over the time period of 10 years and you can all start a Facebook page about the different levels of deterioration between the different types of cardboard and how you think the material which incases the cardboard is helpful to aiding the cardboard in its fight against deterioration.

The worst thing is an unrequited friendship is much harder to break off than an unrequited love and its also compounded by the fact that my work mate went and told him we are friends and I think he is cool . But its not like I can just say ... sorry mate its not working out as I already have a friend and we have been friends for a while and I can't see it changing anytime soon, soooo yeah .... il cya around . Im to nice a person to just tell him to get fucked, but I drop subtle hints such as im always putting my headphones in when we work in the same room  yet he continues to talk to me for sometimes up to 5 minutes at a time  before I take my earphones out and tell him I didn't hear one word he just said ... minor problem for him as he can just repeat it all again whilst also moving in to talk much too close to me for normal levels of comfort to be able to function as a normal human being ... I call this area " my grill " and its basically an arms length and if you are up in this certain area then you be right up in "my grill" and it becomes uncomfortable for me ... but for you it seems like normal human behavior ... but its not ... because your not normal . 

Anyways don't really know what to do but for now its not a huge problem ... just a really borind and depressing one ... ;)

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;)

Plants do maths scientists say ....

Hey hey hey all my horticulturist friends I hope ur all good and that all your plant related projects are coming along nicely ;)

So yeah the other day I saw a headline on the BBC World News app and it read " Plants do maths scientists say " Well thats some seriously useful scientific research right there ... maybe we can ask them for some advice on some algebra ... seriously who the fuck is getting paid to just make this shit up ... im gunna  start some scientific research of my own and apply for a government grant of $75, 000 to see if a apple tree has the ability to feel compassion and remorse and empathy ... and then at the end im just gunna say it showed all of these traits so we will just wait and before not to long plants will evolve into some mega smart plant/human hybrid and also discover the cure for cancer and mediate a cease fire between Palestine and Israel ... u watch ;)

I also saw recently that scientists in Britain are close to being able to use IVF treatment to have a baby through 3 different donors ... now while j didn't read into the logistics of the whole thing I don't need to ti be disgusted by the thought that this could be happening in the near future ... I understand if you have some kind of physical problem that limits your opportunity of having a babie then IVF would become an option ... but for single parents who just wish to have a child and are planning to look after the child as a single parent and it will never know its father is to me not a good situation ... I have witnessed this same situation happen before and whilst the child of course turns out ok, they are deprived of a normal family environment before there was even a chance and this I dont agree on ... with the increasing improvement in medicine and technology there are many boundaries that eventually will be crossed for better or for worse but to be playing the role of maker in such a manner as to have 3 donors for one baby is just to much and this is where I think the line should be drawn !

But hey what do I know im just some over opinionated 28 year old Australian who lives in Norway and sometimes likes to eat apples  ... strawberries are also good from time to time ;) Anyways that was a bit of a more serious post but hey life cant just always be shits and giggles can it .... just mostly ;)

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;) :)

Shhhhhh the trees are doing maths...for real ... scientific research has proven it !