Some things I will never get used to in Norway !

Hey hey hey all my interweb mates , been having a lot of views from Poland lately ! Czesch ! I think thats how ya spell it haha u guys have crazy spelling , a few of my good mates here in Norway are Polish and I visited Szezchin a few months back and it was pretty cool , not the best city for a tourist but I went there cause a mate of mine is from there . Anyways moving on .

Ok so now its coming into winter here in Norway and it got me thinking about the many things are EXTREMLELY different from life back home in Australia. here are just some.

The Darkness -
In Norway in the winter the sun will only rise at around 9:00am and it will set around 3:00 so u get only 6 hours of sunlight , if there is any sun that is . I remember one time I literally did not see one second of sun for about 2 weeks and fuck me I nearly went insane ! But the darkness also has a good side , well kind of . In the summer there is fucking shiteloads of sun ! The sun will come up around 4:30 am and wont set until around midnight, which is cool as fuck and sometimes makes it a bit hard to get to sleep haha . Feels really weird going to bed most nights around 11 and its still light as day outside.

The Cold-
Coming from Australia this is an obvious one but seriously it get FUCKING COLD !! The coldest I have felt is around  minus 25 degrees celcius and when it gets that bloody cold I like to call it angry cold because I get angry when its that cold . Minus 10 or 15 actually isnt that bad (never thought it would ever say that) and u can deal with minus 15 but when it gets minus 25 its just fucked.

The drinking culture-
Norwegians dont mind a drink and like to party almost as much as Aussies , well not almost but still they do. But the crazy thing is that in the summer they drink and party HEAPS and its a normal thing to go to the fjord or park and drink and have bbqs until midnight even on a Monday night if there is sun . Buuuut if you are walking around the city with a beer in winter or any of the colder months then people just look at you like your some kind of criminal or low life scum and it really shits me . Note in this photo the chicks in bikinis behind these people , this park would be in the middle of the city yet there are chicks in bloody bikinis everywhere haha crazy shit right there ! N.B I dont know these people haha

The sports-
The most popular sport in Norway after soccer would be cross country skiing and seriously I dont understand why ? Ok you come from a country where there is a LOT of snow and you all like to ski/snowbaord but why cross country ski !? What about the half pipe in snowboarding or the aerial skiing where they do like 6 flips and 12 spins and a grab and then land. THAT is cool !. Watching people basically run with skiis for like 30 kilometres . Its like if marathons were the most popular sport in Australia , there is basically zero skill involved , its all about stamina , and whilst I do admire their stamina and their endurance its about as exciting as watching people run on a treadmill for 2 hours . Probably now the government will find out I said these things and I will soon be deported as is the level of love these people have for this mind numbingly boring sport.

The social interaction , or lack thereof -
In Australia when Sara came to visit me we were in a lift on the way down from our apartment we were staying in and some lady hopped in and just said gday what are you guys up to today and I said this and that and asked her the same and then we got out and went our own way and Sara immediately asked me -"did you know that lady?" I said no she was just being friendly and this kind of shit happens everywhere everyday in Australia but does that happen here . NO (well not much) . A lot of my good mates back home have been made from meeting people in the apartment buildings where I lived but that is most probably not going to happen here . Its not that people are not friendly they just like to keep to themselves , if you say hello to them they will say hello back and be friendly but thats about it. Oh and whilst we are talking about social interaction I may aswel talk about the whole mobile addiction thing . People in Norway seem to think that their phones actually give them life and that if they dont look at their phone for 10 minutes they might die . Often I see couples out on a date or even a group of friends and they are ALL sitting there staring at their stupid fucking phones and not actually talking to each other .

The whole not going outside for 6 months -
This is probably the biggest thing that gets to me because back home I was always doing things outside - playing Soccer/cricket/football , bushwalks , bodyboarding , camping and many other things but because I cant ski or snowboard because I have a knee that needs reconstruction there is really not much to do in the winter but sit inside and watch movies and play boardgames and "make cosy" as Sara likes to call it haha. The good thing is that now I have a few good mates so we can get together and have a couple of beers and play some poker or something like that :)

The amount of hot chicks -
It is REDICULOUS how good looking the women are in Scandanavia (Lucky I got me one) , I even wrote a previous blog post dedicated to just that. I say that in Norway even the ugly chicks are hot haha . A mate of mine says that the chicks are so hot you wanna marry the chick serving you at McDonalds. I dont know what they have in the water up here but whatever it is is bloody working! This is a Picture of what basically ALL the chicks look like in Norway/Sweden , ;)

Ok methinks that is enough now because nobody wants to read a bloody book , this is a blog not a diary haha. I hope I didnt offend any Scandos with my thoughts but really you gotta admit cross country ski is boring as fuck haha :P

That is all , Peace out, Catch ;)

The fine art of farting .

Hey hey hey all my farting and flatuating mates I hope your farts are plentiful and innapropriate like mine haha :P

Farting is funny , I dont give a shit what other people say it is funny . As Louis CK says - "farting is fucking hilarious , your ass makes a toot sound and something comes out which smells like shit , you tell me how that isnt funny" hahahaha he got it in one.

So "apparently" farting is not supposed to happen at the dinner table my wife says but I say its almost best to fart at the dinner table (if there are no guests) its the innapropriatness of it which makes it even more funny hahaha . ( Sarez is gunna hate me for this haha)

Ever been at an important dinner with someone who you have to be really nice to and impress , like your parents in law or possibly even a work dinner or something and you know you have to do a huge fart and there is nothing you can do about it.  Then you just decide to try and slide it out silently and after you succsesfully slide out the old silent fart you then realise that now it smells like shit from the area in which you are sitting so somehow you think its a great idea to try and breath really deeply in the hope that you can breathe all your fart in and nobody else will smell it , these people will never know how important you really think they are for you to be sitting there making silent farts and sniffing them up your own nose for their benifit ! One day at the end of a nice dinner or something I just want to say to someone - "I will have you know I have sniffed up 4 farts this evening because I am in your prescence and I dont think you really appreciate what I have done for you!"

The other day I was on the busy subway and I needed to let one rip so I initiated the silent fart routine ( you all know what that is so dont think im weird and fucked up - even the chicks , possibly especially the chicks ) Anyways I let one rip and it was pretty bad and I just sat there and basked in the disgusted glory of my fellow passengers because these days with everyone being so anti-social and all I can fart (silently of course) without the threat of a fellow passenger making such a comment as "Fuck me did someone just shit themselves!?" Most probably people will look around and then see me and just assume sterotypically that it was the big bearded man and they are true in thinking that but they will never say  MUHAHAHAHAHA :P

Anyways just a few thoughts on farting as everybody farts and we should learn to embrace it and not turn our back on it like its some kind of pariah or such . Keep farting I say mates . May the fart be with you and those around you ! :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Cant think of anything to blog so heres some of my favorite pictures from me FB ;) :D

Yo yo yo whats going down all my bitches and niggas ( probly shouldnt say niggas but hey if people complain I will just put that down to good publicity , they do say any puiblicity is good publicity ) Aaaaaaanyways just having a good old scroll through all my old facebook photos and figured I can fill up a post with putting my favorite pictures in here haha . Lazy but effective is how I would describe this post . Anyways here we go ;)

First picture is just of me and Sara ( my better half ) without Sarez (as she hates to be called MUHAHAHA) I wouldnt be the person I am today . She is the love of my life and all that other crap . Shes hot and shes Swedish to which of course is a bonus ;)

The second picture is of me and Sarez holding some snakes in Morocco infront of a cobra - which I was fucking shitting myself of because the cobra was only about 2 metres away haha.

This third picture is of me next to a log cabin in Saras home town of Karlskrona (Sweden) I figured since my blog is called Aussie in Oslo I should show some winter pictures considering its basically winter here for fucking 6 months of the year !!

The fourth picture is of me standing next to a moose on some "moose safari" that Sarez and I did in Sweden . It was basically a huge pen where there were moose and you just walked around it ...kinda boring but kinda cool in a way because I had never seen a live moose ... they are actually pretty fucking big haha. Funny as I told Sarez that when she came to Australia we went diving with great white sharks that were 5 meters long (in a cage of course) and when I come to Sweden we go on a bloody moose safari haha :P

This fifth picture if of my family ... well some of them anyways as I have a fucken big family haha. On the left is my sister Zadeena , then of course me , then my dad Keith dressed as Shrek and my stepmum Kim as Shreks wife (or whatever) and then my sister Teags . Family is awesome and I miss mine heaps cause I have the best family in the history of everything haha ;)

The sixth picture is of me and a mate fishing on the Pottsville river . Pottsville is about 2.5 hours drive from Brisbane and me and my mates used to go their camping at least every month ... it is my favorite place in the world ... there isnt even a close second . So many good memories ... and not a phone in sight haha ;)

The seventh picture is of me doing a "FULLY SICK BURNOUT BRO!" in my old ute in the middle of the Aussie outback when Sarez and I were on a massive roadtrip . Man I miss the hugeness of Australia haha ... Did you know you can fit 17 Swedens in Australia .. true fact yo ;)

The eight picture is of a koala Sarez and me came across on the side of the road in Australia when we were on our road trip , Sarez even got to pat it a little bit which was freaken super rare , I have seen many koalas in my time but they are always up in the trees so she was bloody lucky to get this opportunity on her first trip to Australia .

The Ninth Picture is of me standing in a field of rapeseed in Sweden ... I kinda look like a rapist in this photo so its kinda fitting haha :P

The tenth and last picture is of a small fish Sarez caught- (on her first bloody cast! Look how amazed she looks haha) at Pottsville , my two favorite things in the world all in one . Sarez and Pottsville ... if only I could convince Sarez to move to Pottsville ¨with me then my life would be Complete ! :D Sorry this post was a bit lazy but hey all I can think about right now seems to be how stupid people are so I figured I needed to seprate my rants with some normality. Keep it real gangsters !

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Fucking think for yourselves you stupid SHEEPLE !!!

Yo yo yo all my iphone addicted , instagram using , facebook trolling , blogger Reading :D , socially inept friends and random lost people who found my blog , I hope you are all fucken fan bloody tastic !!!

I have liked this page on FB called "New To Oslo" , which should really be renamed "biggest group of fucktards in Northern Europe". People come on there and ask the most fucked up questions ... the one that just set me off onto this rant (more to follow) is this person asking - "where can I print a picture , and how much will it cost?" ... Jesus fucking christ thats a fuckin huge problem you have there my narrow minded friend , my first idea would be to use this new fandangled thing we have called GOOGLE , its on this other new thing called THE INTERNET , if you simply use your stupid brain and type in computer cafe or seriously even if you type in print photos Oslo , IT WILL FUCKEN TELL YOU WHERE TO GO !!
People these days are becoming dumber and dumber by the day and its actually really sad and more to the point actually depressing. Some people just cant seem to think from themselves and the problem is that we live in a world that facilitates there stupidity and lets them thrive ( to some sort in their own fucked up social circles that is).
It really saddens me to think that the world is becoming so dependent on Technology and that it seems it will never end until we are all virtual robots stuck in a world where we dont talk to anyone in "the real world" but only really communicate through stupid fucking phones and computers.

 ( I realise the hypocracy of complaining about technology in a blog which is using the same technology but this is the only way to get it out there since thats where all these zombies are scrolling through there phones until their fingertips bleed in the hope that they wont have to look anyone in the eye on the bus to work)

 In Norway I can see this happening FAST as the use of technology seems to have no limits here and is encouraged to no end . I know for a fact that its not as bad in Australia as it is herein Norway ( my sister for example visited and she said its worse here than back home) and I hope it stays like that , Australians are well known for their friendliness and eagerness to talk to anyone and everyone about anything haha. I know I seem to go on about these kind of things a lot but fuck me its getting out of Control!!! Not to long ago I saw a couple out for sunday lunch and one was on their ipad playing some stupid farmer game and the other was playing the same game on their phone and they were just helping each other and talking about the game ... why not talk about REAL THINGS !!! Like all the wars that are going on , all the destruction of our planet and the awesome animals that inhabit it, it  seems this needless and senseless destruction will not stop until all we are left with is stuffed animals and vidoes of what animals and nature used to be like ... ask them questions about what their goals in life are , smile and laugh and be laughed at , its  gunna sound stupid but I take great pride in being laughed at , I have a big beard and a really fucked up dress sense and a weird sense of humour and I know for a fact that people think thats funny , either it be in a good or bad way. The point is that people laugh and the world needs to laugh much more and take life less seriously.

 My point is dont fall in with the crowd and just follow the normal, break the barriers and be a fucking weirdo bcause if you dont soon enough we will all live in a world where everyone acts the same , looks the same , has the same phones/cars/Apartments/pets etc . Be different or GET FUCKED  is what I say !!!! Here is a photo (below) I recently added to FB just for a laugh , I know a lot of people judged me for it and probably think im weird or possible even a cross dresser, the truth is I wasnt drunk and it wasnt a dare or anything I just did it to bring a smile to peoples faces and pretty much say fuck the norm. Anyways hope you guys can take this to heart and at least change your ways a little because you dont want to become a sheep and just follow the herd because the herd is being led to a very very very boring and mundane existance ! Keep it real gangsters ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

STOP CALLING EVERYTHING AMAZING!!!

Yo yo yo all my AMAZING followers I hope that you have been SUPER AMAZED by some rediculously shit internet video recently , you most probably would have when you consider that there is about 43,987,987 videos of the dumbest shit ever that people have decided is AMAZING !!!

I will tell you whats amazing is the fact that people are so quick to overexaggerate anything just to make it seem better/funnier , how many times have you seen on your FB feed someone liked a video which its title reads "Funniest video ever!!!" No its not the funniest video ever , it may be funny but no need to go on about it like "OMG OMG OMG MUST WATCH" . No I musnt watch it and InFact just because your over excited ass talked it up so much im going to boycott it in spite of your eagerness to over exaggerate (take that exaggerating dicks !) . Why cant someone just post up a video and say "Moderately funny video , not the best , not amazing just pretty cool" THAT I would watch ! Personally for me there is nothing better than watching and old person fall over doing something they should definitely not be doing - eg riding a skateboard or chasing their grandchildren around the backyard , of course its not so cool if people actually get seriously injured.

I just found a "FUCKING HILARIOUS" video of old people falling over , most of them are doing things they def should not be doing hahahahaha pretty funny shit yo ;) I love the way old people fall over sometimes .... they take a few bad steps and you know they are going to fall they know they are going to fall yet they still never seem to brace themselves very well ... In fact you could almost say they lead WITH their hips haha - no wonder so many of them break their bloody hips hahahaha . Anyways check out this video and please dont go on and on about how every single fucking video is hilarious because an elephant sneezing on a kid is funny . One thing its not is FUCKING HILARIOUS !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cchVXZrMwAA

While im going on about facebook I would like to vent some other greivances I have with the multitude of dicks I seem to have on FB . If you have started a new diet well thats fucking great , whats not great is seeing all your fucking meals with bullshit hashtags like #paleodiet #Health #lifestylechange #headupmyass . Its great that you are trying to get fit and healty etc but fuck me keep it to yourselves and dont post up your yictures of your shitty healthy food either , it doesnt even look good , it looks like a piece of dogshit next to some vegetables. The last thing is people posting up picks of their 6 packs and their massive guns (muscles) ... good for you that you spend nearly all your free time at the gym with your head halfway up your ass looking in the mirror telling yourself how good you look - send those pics to your mum or your fucking girlfriend because im not impressed and im sure im not the only one . Anyways that is all for the moment haha :P

I have no fucking idea who finds this shit attractive anyways (being a bodybuilder)... most people I think who look like this just have low self esteem and no real personality so they just focus their shitty boring lives on getting fit and huge , kinda like how a lot of insecure people base their lives around religion because they are to scared to face the real world and think about real world problems and not the ressurection of some make beleive god. Look how disgusting this guy looks !

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;)