Sara ( my girlfriend ) is gunna guest blog !! Here it is yo ;) :)

Hey hey hey,

Yes because this is apparently how a good blog is started - hey hey hey! Some people would prefer yolo or whats up my dude negros?! But hey hey hey is the cool and decent:)

So yeah,  I am sara and I am lachlans girlfriend. Finally he is letting me guest blog and I am so very happy about this because not only can I tell all his many readers about myself and in future guest blogs I will reveal fun facts about lachlan and what I think about shopping with him...

As you know I am Sara and I am one of the thousands of swedish people that emigrated to the great land in the west (norway) in hopes of saving some money. I have lived in oslo for a little more than 2 years now and I must say that I love this place!  Who would have thought? As a Swedish person it is almost against the law to be this much pro Norway,  kind of like Australia/New Zealand as I have come to know, but norway has proved to be good!  I can't really say that I have become rich over these years but also I am not poor. I am terrible at saving because I spend all my money on traveling and this is what I love second much in my life.  I will tell you more soon. Other than money that I could have saved, norway has offered me many many good things.
I have a job that is more than I could ever dream of! I work as a front office manager in the rock hotel in Drammen. I love my job and I love the hotel I work for and I have the best colleagues in the world.
I also have very good friends here. They are probably reading so I want to take a second to say hello to them. Hello! And also hello to my good friends in sweden who I miss very much. Hello.
And of course I have the best boyfriend in the world and he is what I love the most in the world.  Even more than travelling! Just to know that he has moved halfway around the planet for me makes me feel very special. So much love!
I know he already told you the story about how we met and my version of it is almost the same so I won't bother telling it again :)
But yeah, I love traveling and I have been to quite a few places actually and my favorite places are mumbai, Rome, Singapore and I guess I have to say Australia. It is true though, Australia is fantastic and I had the best time there... I am looking forward to seeing much more of it in the future. And to be drinking some goon with the abos ( Aboriginals ) in the park,  yes I am sure it would be interesting.

Lachlan is a very funny man and he is very good at expressing his many opinions and even if I don't agree with all things (nine eleven, hating winter very much and his hate for shopping) I do think he has many good things to say. I always love reading his blog and I hope many others do to! We have some extra fish in our aquarium and we will give one away to a happy winner after reaching one million views so keep on viewing!

Catch (as Lachlan would finish) or hej hehe (as I would finish)

This is a photo of me and a man who is less handsome than Lachlan but he also has less opinions which is good sometimes ;)

Last week at my current work ... it's been interesting to say the least ;)

Hey hey hey all my interweb mates I hope ya'll are pretty dang good  ;)

So yeah this week is the last week of work on the construction site I have been working on in the government area in Oslo , we have actually been working on the buildings which were damaged when Anders Brevik blew up the bomb in the center of Oslo . This job has been very interesting to say the least and it's the first job I have been working on overseas and it's very different to working back home . First of all is the main difference and that is that now im the minority and im the only Australian on the whole jobsite ... in fact other than one American guy im the only one who speaks English as their first language . While it hasn't been to much of a problem because pretty much everyone speaks really good English it has been at times challenging ... especially at lunch when everyone is either speaking Norwegian or Polish and im just sitting there with the reject people looking blankly at my phone just to stop myself staring at the wall for the whole lunch .

My supervisor has been a very interesting part of the job and also part of the reason it has been a great place to work , his name is Stefan and hes from Stockholm and hes reasonably insane  .. seriously lol . One thing that always amused me was his fascination with Australia and all things Australian , he would always come into the room im working in and ask me many crazy questions about  back home . The funniest thing he ever asked me was one day when he came into my room and said " Lock ( he calls me Lock because he can't say my name ) have you seen the flying dogs in Australia ! ? " I replied " man we got a lot of crazy shit in Australia but flying dogs is not one of them haha " eventually I worked out that he was actually talking about flying foxes which we do have plenty of back home and theb I thought well if you look at the name we kinda do have a type of flying dog in Australia hahaha ;) :P . He is 50 years old but he is as mature as a 15 year old lol , I will never forget the time he made a piece if bread into a toy sailing ship with a plastic knife and some paper and was sailing it on the table making sound effects and all hahaha . He has the Stockholm syndrome big time ... according to him its the center of the universe and is also  very dangerous and a hard city ... il never forget when he was talking to me and a group of Polish guys and telling them how hard Stockholm is and that they don't know what a hard life is but he does because he grew up in the "hard" area of Stockholm ... ummm man ur talking to a bunch of Polish guys here , they know what hard is as their country has been through some serious shit in the not to distant past lol .

Anyways it's gunna be sad to leave here as I've made some truly good friends here and will miss a lot of people here . I have met and worked with many cool and interesting people ... also worked with a couple of assholes aswell lol . This is a list of the different nationalities that I have worked with over the 11 months of working here . Polish, Norwegian, Swedish, Venezuelan , Columbian , Chillean , Danish , Turkish , Latvian , Dutch and Russian . This has been eye opening to say the least and also very interesting ;) .

It's been a cruisy job for most parts and when they force you to take two 15 minute coffee breaks per day plus a 40 minute lunch you know it's gunna be good ;)

But just like everything it has to come to an end and it makes me a bit sad to know that one day soon this will all just be a past memory and that I will be sent by my company to another job to start a fresh and build friendships with new people and do different things and that's cool but it always seems to remind me that this just is another chapter in my life that will be closed and that im not getting any younger and that sucks balls , but nothing you can do about it bur embrace the future and what it will bring and I have never been so excited and also a bit nervous about what the future will bring so bring it on yo ! ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Picture of me at work , or as I like to refer to it as ; Superfunhappyland ;) ...you gotta make the best of a bad situation right ? :P 

Australia's new policy on asylum seekers makes me sick .... I fucking LOATHE politicians !!

Hey hey hey all my politics loving mates how the hell is ya :) ?

So recently the Australian government has decided to change their policy on asylum seekers arriving by boat , mostly from Indonesia ( via places such as Iraq , Sri Lanka , Syria , Afghanistan and Burma and others ) . The new policy states that any asylum seekers arriving by boat in Australia will be sent to Papua New Guinea instead of being sent to Australia to be processed there. If there asylum claims are approved they will then be integrated into the Papua New Guinea population and Australia will effectively be washing their hands of this so called problem and just passing the buck onto a much poorer and ill equipped country in return for a few million dollars no doubt . This has enraged me to no end ... for a country in such a lucky position as ours we should be trying to help our neighbors and not burdening them with something most Australians consider a problem. To consider boat people a problem is to be massively  hypocritical as they seem to forget that Australia was founded by a fleet of boats traveling from England with a whole bunch of convicts and their captors who not only claimed a country to be theirs but took it from a race of people ( Aboriginals ) that had been living there peacefully for 50, 000 years . Im not saying that all immigrants/refugees are a good thing for Australia but I think we owe it to the world to take our share ... I love immigrants , when I walk into a 7-Eleven and am greeted by an Indian ( and they are all Indian ) but when they say to me g'day mate in that funny sounding Australian/Indian/English it brings a smile to my face because at least they are trying to assimilate and integrate with our culture and society and that's all we can ask . On the other end of the scale I have witnessed first hand when immigration fails as these examples will show . In Brisbane where im from there is a suburb called Moorooka which we have now dubbed Moorookadishu after the capital of Somalia Mogadishu because it is literally overrun with Somalians and they basically just stay in this suburb and don't try and integrate with society and just stay in their own community which is not good for society as a whole as it just creates segregation in the society . This is also evident in another suburb called Sunnybank where its basically refereed to as Chinatown as its just fulk of Asians ... literally , and as the same in Moorookadishu they tend to keep to themselves and not integrate what soever with the general population , there are countless Asian food stores etc with only Asian writing on the outside with no English whatsoever . Anyways my point is that the government needs to be more proactive in helping immigrants integrate into our society so we can all get along and enjoy this country which I strongly believe to be the best in the world :)

Australia is so good in so many ways bur has been repeatedly failed by its inept and generally absolutely useless government ... from the chopping and changing of our prime ministers to the disgrace with which we have treated the indigenous population of our country to the unbelievable handling of our country's economics remembering that we have so much natural resources not to mention a very strong tourism and farming/agriculture sector . I reckon my little 10 year old brother could do a better job than % 50 of all the politicians currently in power in Australia .

To all the inept and just basically retarded and ignorant politicians who don't look at the bigger picture I hope your pet dog dies and that your houses burn down and YOU somehow will be forced to escape our beautiful country fleeing from violence and persecution by boarding a fishing boat 50ft long which is only supposed to carry 30 people but 180 people are packed in like sardines and set off into the open sea to risk their lives to have a better life . Seriously fuck you all you dirty rotten scoundrels .

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Imagine having to be on this boat in the open seas for days with all these people just to have the chance at a better life ... good luck to them I say ... just bloody integrate when you arrive in our beautiful country ;) :P 

Blog Paranoia

Hey hey hey all my blog loving slampas ( Norsk for slut ) I hope you continue to read my blog and appreciate you pretending to like it ;)

So here's the thing , many people I know have been reading my blog and it's starting to make me somewhat paranoid because im always second guessing people when they say it's good because I've never had so many people telling me im doing something good , im more used to having many people telling me how bad im going lol . Having a blog has been awesome as it has given me a sort of hobby and it also doubles as a kind of international board game of sorts because on the blog homepage it shows a map of the world and highlights the countries from which people have been reading my insane ramblings ;)
I recently went past 3000 page views and im so negative I sometimes wonder if about 2789 of these are either one of many international governments that I have managed to offend checking on my blog to see if they can arrest and detain me for some reason ... this may sound stupid and far fetched but from the recent developments that a Mr Snowden has brought to light I wouldn't be at all surprised ... especially given that I basically wrote a whole post about how I hate the American government and how corrupt and deceitful it is ... if you want to read my thoughts on the American government then just read my post called " The world is fucked ! ... unfortunately ..."

Anyways the more people that I know that tell me they like my blog the less paranoid I become and the better it makes me feel about the whole situation ... but on the other hand it just makes me think that it's an even bigger conspiracy than I first suspected and that secretly it just means that there are more people talking about my blog and wondering what insane ramblings I will post up next .... doesn't he realize that the whole world can read it and they are all questioning my sanity and not only that but wondering how I even function as a normal ( semi normal ) human being . Anyways whatever the truth may be I think it's better left alone and then I can concentrate more of my energy to being a little less insane and more like a normal person ... nah that sounds boring ... so stay tuned for my next post about random shit that usur normal people wouldn't talk about but for me seems like a great topic of conversation ;) Cheers all my backstabbing fans and hello to the American government and the CIA , fuck you and fuck your country I hope you get raped by a very well endowed black man with bird flu ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

Its summer ... I ORDER YOU TO HAVE FUN !!!

Hey hey hey all my sun worshipping mates I hope your as brown and tanned as any of the pieces of human filth on Jersey Shore .

So here in Scandinavia in the summer everybody seems to go into some kind of sun worship trance like state where if there is sun and you aren't working then you damn well  better be in the sun somewhere ... this is something im still yet to get used to as im from Australia and spent the first 27 years of my life avoiding the bloody sun cause it's so freaking hot ... in Australia if we are at the beach basically at around 11 in the morning people will pack up and go have lunch and maybe a siesta under a nice big tree in the shade because the sun is just way to intense in this time  and come back to the beach around 2 in the arvo . While I love the sun and I love summer I still find it hard to just want to be in a park or on a beach just because there is sun ... its like if a Scandinavian moved to Australia and lived in the area where there is snow in Australia ( yeah we got snow ... we got it all :P ) but it would be like if a Scandinavian moved to the snow area in Aus and the people there loved the snow and always wanted to be in the snow ... u can see why they might not be as interested as all the Aussies because they grew up with it .

While im not complaining I still don't think I will ever adapt to the Scandinavian policy which is ; If there is sun and you aren't outside basking in its soothing glory then you are just wasting your whole summer and your boring and your basically a hermit . Well im just used to doing things when I feel like it not just because there's sun out .

Anyways I hope people can understand my issues on this small matter and know that I love the sun and the beach and parks ... I just don't love them 7 days a week ;) :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;) :)

In Scandinavia you are only tanned if you look like this chick ... she's only 27 by the way ;) :P 

3000 Page views ! :D FREE MONEY !!!

Hey hey hey all my page viewing peeps I hope your all bloody great !

Ok so first of all there's no free money as I just put that there so people who will search free money will find my blog instead and even though they know now there is no hope of free money they will still read my blog because they are so bored and lonely they will read anything in the hope that they can somehow find some kind of meaning to life or some kind of connection with the world we live in ... well sorry u ain't gunna find either as this is my blog and I say wat goes and mainly what goes is me talking a whole lot of shit whilst pretending that im somewhat humorous and more intelligent than people give me credit for ;)

So lately I have gotten around 1200 page views in just one month and thats awesome and im fucken STOKED about it ;)

Lately I haven't been posting to often as I don't just wanna post up absolute shit that is not interesting or funny in any way so that's why I been a bit slack recently and im sorry but im gunna try and be more active but not so much that I end up blogging about what im having for dinner or what my favorite reality tv program is atm because im sure there is already 4, 789, 456 people blogging about that shit ... ima blog about real shit  .. like how annoying is it when you wake up 30 mins before ur alarm and need to go pee pee and u decide u can wait till the alarm but then after 10 mins it hurts to much so u get up and pee but then u cant get back to sleep because u got uo to pee and u just think to yourself you would have had plenty if time to get back to sleep if you just got up and peed when you first woke up  ... now thats some seriously good blogging right there my friends ;)   anyways just wanted to again say cheers to everyone who reads my insane ramblings and I look forwards to hitting my next big mark of 5000 views ! Cheers ! :)

Here's a picture of the coolest street art I've seen ...it's just round the corner from my apartment here in Oslo :)

Living in Oslo Vol.2

Hey hey hey all my Oslonites ? What the hell do you call someone from Oslo ;) :P ah I looked it up but can't find it so I've decided it's not important .

So yeah this summer so far has been amazingly awesome compared to last year when it rained about 4-5 days per week , whereas this year its more like rain maybe 1 time per week and im fucking loving it yo ! :). Went for a big walk up the river in Central Oslo yesterday and it was awesome because I saw many interesting things , including but not limited to , a gypsy cooking something in a pot on a fire she had haphazardly made just next off the walkway , what looked like a junkie shooting up heroin in the forest on the side of the river and a half insane man playing a guitar underneath a bridge like some kind of half crazy troll who had a few guitar lessons, in amongst this madness I followed the river and not only did it feature some of Oslos most depraved and disgusting people it also had many waterfalls and nice forest areas also so it kinda evened out in the end .

In summer the Scandinavian people come out of their immaculately presented and maintained  apartments and lofts and begin what I have dubbed "The Scandinavian Sun Worship"  , as on any patch of grass no matter where u are in the city be it on a main road or next to a big industrial concrete factory you will find them in bikinis and board shorts soaking up all the sun they can before the winter begins and they all must retreat back into their apartments for winter hibernation . Unfortunately I am really starting to understand there obsession with the sun in the summer as in the winter its like being locked in a big dark freezer for about 5-6 months of the year . Just yesterday when I was happily walking along this beautiful river taking in the sun and the serenity of it all I shuddered as I thought about the impending arrival of the harsh mistress they call winter here and I made me think that soon this path will be frozen solid with ice and walking will become a battle of balance ( I look like a newly born giraffe with 3 legs on the ice in the winter haha ) and knowledge of where to step , when it's so cold your beard freezes and your testicles retreat so far up inside your body they are neighbors with your stomach and when you need to dress up like an eskimo to even contemplate going outside to take a smoke . Aaaaaanyways enough thinking about the winter as its a few months away yet and this summer is kicking ass right now ... I read its gunna be 24 degrees today which is basically a bloody heatwave here in Oslo ;) . Anyways hope ur all enjoying the summer and that you get your quota of sun before the bloody winter comes back ... winter can suck my left testicle ... that's what I reckon ;)

That is all ,Peace out, Catch ;) :) 

A couple of pictures from the Riverwalk I did ... cant believe this shits in the middle of the city ... 

Shopping ... it's like a religion !

Hey hey hey all my shopping bag toting hoes I hope you managed to fight ur way to the front of the line and get the % 33.5 off the new Prada bags or whatever it is people buy nowdays ;)

So yeah shopping is like a religion for woman and therefore it becomes a very complicated process that the man must navigate with extreme caution as im sure there is many unwritten laws that women have when it comes to shopping and they don't tell the men ... and that's cool because we don't care anyways ;)

When im shopping with Sara I make sure to make it the least amount enjoyable for her and am always just agreeing with what she selects as im a man and as most of us have learned its much easier to just agree with everything because the faster the shopping will go . When I do actually say nah that looks terrible it is followed by a 5 minute interrogation about why didn't I like it and how it's just like another one that you said you liked ! Well thats because I was in the man shopping mode where we walk around like zombies agreeing to all answers with very limited enthusiasm . Even the one time I saw a shirt I thought was cool and Sara had been bothering me all day ... which one do you like which one would you choose , then I finally see a shirt I like and mention it and it just gets rejected with the same vigour that a balding overweight 36 year old man gets rejected by the hot blonde 21 year old who he has been stalking on the dancefloor and ever so slightly rubbing up on her in what he sees as a very sexual and sensual advance and she just notices that he smells funny and he has big sweat patches under his arms .

The other day we were shopping ... well Sara was shopping and I was being led and I was just standing there minding my own business when this lady decides she needed to look at the exact bunch of necklaces I happen to be standing in front of and proceeded to just get right up in my business and brush up against me without even a sorry or excuse me as she was just in her own world and nothing else matters except that exact bunch of necklaces I just happened to be standing in front of .

All in all I try and make the shopping experience as fast and boring as possible because if you don't like something then why would you want to encourage more of it happening ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

I love it how you would normally associate a stampede with wild animals but when women see the word SALE there will inevitably be only one outcome ... SHOPPING MALL STAMPEDE !! ;) 

My take on Scandinavia ;)

Yo yo yo all my Scandinavian mates , jag hoppas du ar kjempebra ;)

So yeah I live in Scandinavia as you all would know by now and as you may have guessed it's just a little bit different from back home Down Under ... never has this term " Down Under " actually meant much to me but it does now because im up the top of the world now and Australia definitely looks down under to me lol

Ok so probably the biggest difference from Aus after the weather ( which I will get to later ) is the people ... they are very reserved and almost shy compared to the typical Australian , a good example of this is that when Sara was in Aus her and I were staying in a hotel in Brisvegas and we got in the lift and after a few floors a lady got on and proceeded to say hello how are you and asked what we are doing today and where we are from etc and the lady got out before us and Sara said to me surprised " Did you know that lady ? " I said " no , why ? " , " because she was asking many questions " to which I replied " This is normal in Australia " and Sara said " I love this country already " lol . Sara later told me when she came back to Oslo she decided to spread the love and try the same thing when she was in a lift with some people here in Oslo and they just looked at her like she was a crazy woman haha . When I first arrived and I didn't have work I would often go for a walk on an awesome island/peninsula/forest area called Bygdoy and I would pass people and smile and say hello , only to receive looks of astonishment and wonder as to why the fuck is this bearded man smiling and saying hello to us because in Aus if your on a bushwalk as we call them when you pass someone you always say g'day how are ya and smile and move on ... not here .... Although not all people looked at me like im crazy , just % 95 lol .... needless to say that I have
Given up on my friendly greetings in favour of an awkward smile held for 1 second ans no longer and then I quickly make my way past glad that im content with my own company. In a way it kinda sucks because now I can see myself acting in the same ways and its very UnAustralian I must say ... but u know what they say ... when in Rome ... don't say hello to anyone and mind your own fucking business because im not here to greet random people I see in the street .

Ok so what else ? Working here is also very different and I would compare it to working in a beauty salon in relation to the amount of bitching and backstabbing that goes on at my work  ... now I work on a construction site and you wouldn't expect people to be bitching and talking shit behind people's back but it seems like one of the pre-requisites of having a job here in Norway... at my work it's unbelievable ... there is one guy who shan't be named who has been known to actually sneak up to a door to a room where people are working and get up close to actually listen to if people are working and also what they are talking about ... and if they are not working he will immediately ring the boss and tell him that you aren't ... one time a guy even came in about 5 mins after our coffee break and took a photo of everyone still sitting down and sent it to the boss , which resulted in us getting called to a meeting in which we were told not to take breaks for to long ... anyways its just good that I have managed to become good friends with the guy who snitches a lot because im not stupid ... you keep your friends close but ur enemies closer lol .

Ok so the winter is just fucked up ... literally its winter for 6 fucking months here .... basically from September to March its freezing and snowing and dark ... the sun usually comes up at around 9am and goes down around 3pm ... what . The . Fuck ... its seriously depressing as sometimes if the weather is bad on the weekends you can go weeks without seeing the sun ... I went about 2 weeks without seeing the sun at all ... not cool man not cool ;)

Ok so enough with the complaints now I will tell you about the good things in Scandinavia . Whilst I mentioned that the people are very reserved and keep to themselves but they are also pretty much all super friendly and happy , you just have to break through the initial border of their persona and they are pretty much all welcoming and funny and are always keen to help you or be friendly to you and this is always good . The summers are incredible ... the sun goes down usually around 11:30 pm and will come up at 4:00 am .... 4 .5 hours of darkness !! :) whilst its not the greatest for my body clock its damn good for after work barbecues and drinks in the many parks/islands here in Oslo . Mind you it never really gets that hot ... 30 degrees here would be considered a heatwave and probably the whole city would shutdown ... the hottest its been here since I arrived over a year ago has been 25 degrees I think . Another good thing is the hotdog culture they have here ... hotdogs are all the rage and they have them at every 7 eleven and convenience store ... its awesome ;) ok so there are many more good things about Scandinavia but il write more about that later because this post is starting to become so long I could make a novel out of it .... anyways all in all its like any place ... it's got good and bad things but mainly its just not to bad I would say ;) ... gotta be diplomatic ;)

That is all , Peace out  , Catch  ;)

This is a picture from my window at around 11pm at night ... crazy ass shit right there lol ;) :)   

Just passed 50 blog posts yo ;) This is my top 5 :) ... ( Look at me ma , I can blog )

Hey hey hey all my blog reading mates , I hope your all bloody awesome and that you find a $50 note in the pocket of some jeans you haven't warn for ages ;)

So yeah just recently I passed 50 blog posts and I reckon that's pretty dang good ... not great , not bad , just good ;) . So I figured I would share with the masses what I consider to be my best posts so far, so I have decided to make a top 5 posts of all time,  so far anyways . It will be called : " The Most  Best Top 5 List Of Posts That I Done " . It's also just another excuse to not write a blog ... not that I don't like doing that because I do, it's just I cant think of anything good to blog about :P ....unless I do a blog about our pet hamster called " THE HULK " ... but it wouldn't be very good as all he does is hide and sleep and then bite you whenever you put your finger near him ... he's more of an ornamental hamster than a play hamster lol . Ok so here goes ;)

Im not going to put them in any particular order so it will just be random ... and unfortunately I wont be able to post the direct link to post which im talking about because im not technologically advanced enough to figure out how to do all that on my phone :( .

THE MOST BEST TOP 5 LIST OF POSTS THAT I DONE :

Ok so the first one is called :

" People enjoy watching other people's misery ... it's fucked up !! " You can find it in the July section of the blog :). It's basically just about the world's obsession with reality TV shows and the weird things that people watch on tv nowadays :)

The second one is called :

" Girls get all the good shit !!! ( a lot anyways ) "  It's in the April section :). This is probably not the best one for the ladies as it's a bit sexist ... it's all in good humor though and of course im just joking ;) .

The third one is called :

" Do I miss Australia ?? Bloody fucking oath I do !! ". It's in the June section :) . Well im guessing your intelligent enough to figure out that this post is about me missing my home ... and that's what it is lol ... got a few good pictures in there from some of mt favorite places back home . Also managed to somehow get in a photo of me shirtless standing on the bed in the AC/DC hotel suite at Sara's work ;) Just because that's why :P

The fourth one is called :

" A few things about Facebook " . You can find it in the May section :) . This post is actually the most viewed of all my posts with around 90 views , with the next closest being 68 ... so it must be some kind of good then ;)

The fifth one is called :

" Stop shitting so loud ! " . You can find it in the May section :) . It's basically about toilet etiquette and related subjects ;) . Not my finest post but entertaining in a weird and disgusting way ;)

Ok so that's it ...  but I have realized that these posts are not really the most intelligent posts that I have done so I will add another bonus post which is a more intelligent post and shows that im not always an idiot lol  

Super intelligent bonus post is called :

" Technology will be the death of young generations " You can find it in the April section of the blog . It's about my extreme dislike for the increasing amount of technology, but mainly focusing the underdevelopment of the younger generations social skills .

Thanks again for everyone who looks at my ridiculous ramblings, I really appreciate it :) :D CHEERS ! :)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

G'day Russia !! :)

Hey hey hey all my Russian readers I hope your all good and the vodka is flowing like the Niagra Falls  :)

So lately I have noticed a lot more Russian views on my blog ... now im not sure if that's all just the KGB or if people actually like my blog in Russia ... im actually hoping it will be both ... im hoping to have heaps of KGB agents as my viewers cause that would be awesome . We could maybe get together and share a few vodkas and talk about how much we hate America and how the Australian cricket team will go against England in the Ashes cricket series ... ok maybe not that last one . I hope maybe it's one of the many Russian billionaires who like my blog and they want to hire me to write them a fake blog so they seem funny and interesting and they will pay me $24, 999 per blog post cause that's my going rate ;) :P

But seriously as I have said before the range of countries that people view my blog from is just crazy ... I saw the other day that in one day 23 Germans , 16 Latvians , 4 French , 1 Serbian , 1 Bosnian and more had checked out me blog and I think its super cool to have people in so many different countries read all the shit im talking about lol ... I must say though im pretty good at talking shit ;) And remember kids you can only become a master at talking shit if you practice a lot and always take the rubbish out before it starts to smell and have maggots coming from it .

Having a blog is kinda like being addicted to methamphetamine because im always going on my phone to check how many views I have had today and what random countries they are from ... and when my views drop I have to post another thing up so I don't loose my " Viewer high " ... there's even a bloody graph showing me the rate of views over any specific time lol

Anyways just wanted to say g'day to all my Russian friends and its awesome I can entertain you in some small way ;)

That is all, Peace out, Catch ;)

If I don't get over my blog addiction soon then this is what I will end up like :( ;) 

Please post more pictures of your babies on Facebook ... 7000 per day just isn't enough !!

Yo yo yo all my baby posting hoes I hope that your all good and your baby is very photogenic ! :)

So yeah as I become more awesome ( older ) more and more of my friends are starting to have babies ... which is cool ... what is not cool is that some of them feel the need to post up around 48 different pictures of it everyday ... I mean I understand that you love your baby and think its the greatest thing in the world but seriously I don't need to see 48 pictures per day ...  OMG this is a pic of when our baby first rolled over on its right side in this particular bed at this particular time on a Wednesday which was the 15th ... well holy fucking shit thats just amazing isn't it ... who would have thought !! Unbelievable !!

Anyways enough about that and more about other stupid facebook thing's ... and there are many ... ok so this is kinda Facebook related but more phone related but seriously ... what the fuck is the go with this candy crush saga bullshit ... it's just a kids game but it seems to be all the rage nowdays ... its just bloody tetris but instead of blocks you got freaking candy or sometimes even apples or something ... this is a gross misadvertisement as the name should be candy crush saga FT. random fruits ! But seriously its getting out of control ... people will play and do anything if that's what the masses are doing ... im going to invent the newest craze and its going to be a game where you have two rectangular shaped lines on each side of the screen and a small dot representing a ball in the middle and you have to hit the ball back and forth in a kind of ping pong motion but im going to call it Jersey Shore Ping Pong Slampas Get Down And Dirty Volume i1.fuck you . It's gunna make millions possibly billions of dollars and then maybe I can live out my fantasies of banning all reality tv shows and forcing all the people who are currently on or who have ever been on a reality on to a big Island with no food and only water and tell them they need to fight to the death and be the last one standing if they are to keep their useless and material lives and there will be cameras everywhere and it will be called The Reality Show Showdown ... enough is enough , you've ruined our gene pool enough already . And the winner will actually be killed and taxidermied ( stuffed ) and they will be kept in a museum to show future generations of what can happen when the world goes terribly wrong .

When I have a baby im going to post up at least 7000 photos per day at least and om going to hire a personal assistant just to take care of the posting as it will be a full time job ;)

Think thats about it for a while , got nothing else to say really except Jersey Shore your ruining the world ... one brain dead teenager at a time ... if we're not careful in 50 years someone called Snooki Wow Wow will rule the earth and force everyone to have fake tan and carry ugly looking dogs around in our Luis Vuitton handbags that we all paid $24000 for .

That is all , Peace out ,Catch ;)

South parks version of Snooki ... if we are not careful she will rule the world with her boyfriend in the picture below called T - Dawg and the world will be finished ... 

80 year old Japanese man climbs mount Everest !

Hey hey hey all my mountaineering mates I hope your all reaching the summits of life even if you cant do Mt Everest ;)

So incase you missed it a couple of months ago I read that some 80 year old Japanese man made it to the top of Mt Everest ! This is just unacceptable behavior because he is showing us all up ... I mean cmon ... 80 !! Il be lucky if I can shit on my own by the time im 80 ... il need someone to blend up my steaks so I can eat them with a straw . The craziest thing about this whole situation is that this same guy has not only climbed it one time but he has climbed it 3 times !! He also conquered the highest peak in the world at the ages of 75 and 70 ... bloody overachiever right there ! But in all seriousness this guy is a legend and a testament to the amazing durability of both the human physical form and its mental capabilities and I congratulate him on his achievements ... even if it makes pretty much everyone else except Richard Branson seem insignificant in comparison .

When I did a bungy jump in New Zealand which was just crazy and 134 m high strung between 2 cable cars perched in between 2 mountains I thought I was extreme and adventurous ... only to find out that an 11 year old girl and her 55 year old grandmother were also doing it ... god dammit lol . Also after I did my skydive in Brisvegas my mum proceeded to tell me that my late step grandfather had also done a skydive for his 70th birthday ... I mean cmon are you fucking serious ! Lol

All I can hope is that I don't loose my sense of adventure and continue ( much to Sara's dissatisfaction ) to do the more daring and exciting things in life right up until I leave this wonderful world we live in . My next ambition is to do the biggest bungy jump in the world which is in Maccau at the top of a 233m high building called the Maccau tower ... it looks freaking awesome !! Here is a YouTube video of someone taking the jump. :) I hope everyone reading this will open up their minds and person to some of the crazier things the world has to offer :) check out this video of the Maccau tower bungy jump :) Ok because im not very technologically advanced I can't figure out how to post a link up using just my phone so you will just have to youtube the video yourself :) Macau Tower bungy jump and heaps will come up ! Cheers all :D 

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

This is the 80 year old dude who climbed Mt Everest !!! What a legend ... but also somewhat of an ass for making everyone else's achievements seem so insignificant lol :) 

A bit about myself ;)

G'day g'day all me drongo mates I hope your all having a bloody great day :)

Ok so i read some website thingo today and it suggested that I should tell people a little bit about myself on my blog ... I mean I tell people about what I like and what I dislike and everything in between but not actually that much about myself :) ok here we go ;)

So im 28  years young and im from Australia as you probably know and I now am currently living in Oslo , Norway and I like sometimes to drink the milk straight from the carton and do poos with the door open when nobody's home ... nothing more liberating lol . I was born in Brisbane ( Brisvegas as we call it ) and I lived there my whole life until I packed up all my shit ( one huge backpack and one small one and a few other things at my mums back home ) sold my ute and moved over the other side of the world to be with my beautiful girlfriend Sara who is Swedish and I met in an Irish pub in Thailand of all places ... her friend Agne just happened to be dancing drunkenly underneath the tv on which I was watching cricket and I went over and started talking and the rest is history as they say ;) I've been living here for about 1.5 years and its been amazing ... fucking freezing for about 6 months here in Oslo but other than that its been awesome ... have managed to check out heaps of different countries which include Morocco , Italy , Croatia , England , France , Sweden , Denmark , Scotland and of course Norway and they have all been so awesome in their own different ways with the best 2 being Croatia and Scotland :D

I love music and am constantly listening to it ... u should see the fuckin epic speakers I bought here in Norway ... 6 speakers, 1000 watts and a fucking massive subwoofer that rumbles my whole apartment on % 50 volume ;) :D I hate reality tv shows like Jersey Shore and paradise hotel and hate everything related to them and everyone on them ... I love sport and played soccer for about 15 years until I fucked up my knee I also played cricket, rugby , water polo , futsall and did a lot of bodyboarding ( similar to surfing but you lie down on the board ) . I love to drink and have a good time but unfortunately I have the same problem as many Australians and whilst im not an alcoholic by any means I would consider myself a bingeaholic as everytime I drink I usually always drink enough for about 3 people and end up passing out under a bridge and just generally fucking shit up lol ... not such a good thing but you get that on the big jobs ( Australian saying :P )

Wat else ... I work on a construction site here in Oslo as a painter/plasterer and whilst I dont like my job I also don't hate it so it could be worse lol ... I more hate the fact I always have to GO to work and I can't just spend my life on a Croatian beach drinking 2 litre beers and eating amazing food ... but at the moment im usually only having around 5 or 6 weeks holiday a year which is more than a lot of people but never seems enough to me ;)

Can't really think of much else at the moment but one thing I thought everyone should know is that one time I ate an alive fish from my mates fish tank cause I was mega drunk and dared to and I had been watching to much of Man VS Wild and thought I my first name was Bear ... turns out it was just nasty and it was flapping around a lot in my mouth until I chomped it a few times and swallowed it ... fucked up but hey ... you get that on the big jobs ;) :P

Not sure if anyone actually cared about any of that shit but the intraweb suggested I do it and it never lies ... just like the T.V and any Catholic priest ;)

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

A couple of photos of the idiot who writes this blog ;) The first is me on some ponyride thingo in Copenhagen and the second is me enjoying a beach here in Oslo :) :D . Cheers all ! :) 

Getting old sucks testicles

Hey hey hey my old and wise friends I hope your aging better then I am, because im not doing so well lol ...

So im 28.5 years old now and at the end of next year I turn 30 and this ain't cool yo ... In fact its the opposite ... for instance if im 30 and I use yo and gangster and such street talk then I will just look old and tragic , well I imagine so anyways . The reason I decided to write about this is that im at the end of a 2 day hangover and it was just fucked up ... thats the only way to describe the whole experience. We were in Sweden for the weekend with a group of 8 of us staying at the beach in a Smallish town called Halmstad and oh did we drink ... on Saturday I managed to drink about 10 beers and half a bottle of whisky and half a bottle of vodka and fucking jesus christ I had a hangover for 2 days ... tonight is the first time I actually ate anything besides 2 bannanas in 2 days ... when we were driving home it was torture as we were 4 people in a mini cooper and my other friends decided it would be a great idea to crank up the music and it was just terrible music such as mambo number 5 , Vengaboys and hard trance, all cranked up to deafening levels  and we did a shitload of shopping in Swedenland so I literally could not move at all as its so much cheaper then Norway so we all bought up big . lol either way I spent basically the whole 5 hour trip trying not to vomit all over the car which I ended up doing promptly as soon as I got home lol .

Im also starting to go bald at a very alarming rate lol ... this sucks as im not even 30 yet god dammit . I was never really under any illusions that I would go bald as my dad is as bald as a really really bald man ;)  So now I have to spray this hair loss treatment onto my hair 2 times per day and this is very depressing but fucked if im gunna be bald before im 30 so im gunna try and delay the inevitable ... thinking about spraying some on me beard so it can become even better lol ... might actually help cover up the fact that my mate Daniel decided to set my beard on fire on Saturday night lol .

Another thing that has happened is that I've managed to fuck my knee up so bad that literally every time I leave the house I gotta put on my massive knee brace with 4 different straps otherwise my knee will collapse and I won't be able to walk properly for a few days ... I fucked it playing soccer  (  like 2 snapped ligaments and post traumatic damage to the miniscus where the knee sits in )  then since then ive fucked it numerous times in between trying to play soccer on it again and drunken nights out ... one such night I was so drunk here in Oslo that I forgot I can't run and decided it was a great idea to try and do a runner from the taxi and it just ended up with me running about 50m before my knee collapsed and I proceeded to attempt to hide behind a parked car which didn't work as the driver instantly found me at which point I threw my wallet at him and yelled that I had no money as I actually didn't at that point ... the worst thing was that I left my phone in his cab and had to meet him with Sara the next day to pay the fare and retrieve my phone ... not cool lol , but on the other hand I receivedmy wallet back in the mail from the police about a week later ... awesome ;) ... Karma I reckon ;) lol

Anyways getting old sucks testicles but it's something you can't avoid like working and relatives , my advice is to just embrace it as best you can and remind yourself that you never get old, you just become wiser and more awesome ;) :D

That is all , Peace out , Catch ;)

I don't get old ... I just get more awesome ... like this couple ... rock on guys !! :)

Unrequited friends are shit ! ;)

Hey hey hey all my friends who find it hard to take a hint , I hope your all good ... but I mostly hope u will just go away and leave me alone ( N.B o dont really mean this cause I love you all ....DEEPLY ;P )

So there is this guy at my work and he won't leave me alone and he is always coming up to me and talking just absolute shit that in no way is funny or even entertaining in any way whatsoever , but im too nice to tell him to just fuck of and go tell your bullshit stories to someone as boring as yourself so you can both be bored and very unfunny together ... maybe even have some kind of boring convention where you just watch bits of cardboard slowly deteriorate over the time period of 10 years and you can all start a Facebook page about the different levels of deterioration between the different types of cardboard and how you think the material which incases the cardboard is helpful to aiding the cardboard in its fight against deterioration.

The worst thing is an unrequited friendship is much harder to break off than an unrequited love and its also compounded by the fact that my work mate went and told him we are friends and I think he is cool . But its not like I can just say ... sorry mate its not working out as I already have a friend and we have been friends for a while and I can't see it changing anytime soon, soooo yeah .... il cya around . Im to nice a person to just tell him to get fucked, but I drop subtle hints such as im always putting my headphones in when we work in the same room  yet he continues to talk to me for sometimes up to 5 minutes at a time  before I take my earphones out and tell him I didn't hear one word he just said ... minor problem for him as he can just repeat it all again whilst also moving in to talk much too close to me for normal levels of comfort to be able to function as a normal human being ... I call this area " my grill " and its basically an arms length and if you are up in this certain area then you be right up in "my grill" and it becomes uncomfortable for me ... but for you it seems like normal human behavior ... but its not ... because your not normal . 

Anyways don't really know what to do but for now its not a huge problem ... just a really borind and depressing one ... ;)

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;)

Plants do maths scientists say ....

Hey hey hey all my horticulturist friends I hope ur all good and that all your plant related projects are coming along nicely ;)

So yeah the other day I saw a headline on the BBC World News app and it read " Plants do maths scientists say " Well thats some seriously useful scientific research right there ... maybe we can ask them for some advice on some algebra ... seriously who the fuck is getting paid to just make this shit up ... im gunna  start some scientific research of my own and apply for a government grant of $75, 000 to see if a apple tree has the ability to feel compassion and remorse and empathy ... and then at the end im just gunna say it showed all of these traits so we will just wait and before not to long plants will evolve into some mega smart plant/human hybrid and also discover the cure for cancer and mediate a cease fire between Palestine and Israel ... u watch ;)

I also saw recently that scientists in Britain are close to being able to use IVF treatment to have a baby through 3 different donors ... now while j didn't read into the logistics of the whole thing I don't need to ti be disgusted by the thought that this could be happening in the near future ... I understand if you have some kind of physical problem that limits your opportunity of having a babie then IVF would become an option ... but for single parents who just wish to have a child and are planning to look after the child as a single parent and it will never know its father is to me not a good situation ... I have witnessed this same situation happen before and whilst the child of course turns out ok, they are deprived of a normal family environment before there was even a chance and this I dont agree on ... with the increasing improvement in medicine and technology there are many boundaries that eventually will be crossed for better or for worse but to be playing the role of maker in such a manner as to have 3 donors for one baby is just to much and this is where I think the line should be drawn !

But hey what do I know im just some over opinionated 28 year old Australian who lives in Norway and sometimes likes to eat apples  ... strawberries are also good from time to time ;) Anyways that was a bit of a more serious post but hey life cant just always be shits and giggles can it .... just mostly ;)

That is all, Peace out , Catch ;) :)

Shhhhhh the trees are doing maths...for real ... scientific research has proven it !