Complicated conversations

Hey hey hey my bro's and hoe's how the hell are we all :)

Ok so as you all may or may not know I am from Australia and lived there for 26 years until I met my girlfriend Sara ( Who's Swedish ) hence why she lives in Oslo because you earn a lot of money here compared to Sweden :) . Anyways the point of this blog is that I dont speak Norsk ( Norwegian ) and sometimes this can be complicated lol . The other day Sara and I were in a second hand furniture store looking for a table and chairs for our balcony and holy crap some crazy old couple owns that place ...like you could barely walk inside because they just hoard so much stuff ...maybe horders should just call themselves antique/unique item dealers and people wouldn't think they are absolutely crazy just sort of crazy haha ...anyways getting away from the point . The old man who was there just kept talking to me and I couldn't understand shit he was saying , even after when we discussed if we want the table in ENGLISH VERY LOUDLY so he could hear that I can't speak Norsk he continued to speak to me even though I must have the stupidest look on my face just thinking man I got no fucking idea of anything you are saying can you please just talk to my girlfriend haha , crazy old man. Either way we got a table which we had to transport on the bus because we don't have a car ...I found it amusing to be on the bus with a table and chairs ...the people on the crowded bus didn't ...but hey fuck them :P


                               We aren't hoarders ...we are antique dealers haha :P

Also it becomes a problem when we might be at lunch or something and someone starts speaking Norsk to me and I just look at them like they have asked me to recite the whole bible off by heart back the front starting with all the words starting with A and then move on consecutively until I get to Z . Most of the time I just tell people I speak English sorry, but there is sometimes where I just cant be bothered telling people I speak English so I just sit there like a deaf/mute/idiot and let them figure it out for themselves ....either they figure out that I can't understand them or im just a real big dick head haha ...either way I dont mind to much . Ok ok some people just say learn the language and thats a good point but the fact is EVERYONE speaks perfect english here so I don't much see the point ...if I was going to live here permanently I would learn Norsk for sure but I don't plan to, so I dont see much point in putting so much time effort and money into it . Sometimes it has it's benifits though because sometimes I might go out for dinner with Sara and her friends and they just ramble on in Norsk and they say oh we are just talking about a new dress we saw ....I say this is when it makes me happy I dont understand what they are saying because I really dont care about whats happening on Paradise Hotel ....infact I wish Paradise Hotel would be banned for the reason that some people might turn out like the fools on that show ....uh oh I think we are already very late on that one ! :P

That is all , Peace out , Catch :)

Those fucking rat dogs ...you know the ones .........

Hey hey hey all my rat dog lovers how are we all today !! In norway they say idag for today (prounounced edag) ...aaaanyways

So yeah ...we have all seen them and unless your a girl ( or a poof ) we have all wanted to step on one . Seriously where do I start here ...first of all they just look stupid , like real fucking stupid , like oversized rats who have been out in the wild for a while . They are stupid... like intellectually retarded , if they were a person they would be someone with down syndrome ( I apologise to all the people with down syndrome ...but I know you can't read this cause you got the downs yo ...ok that was to much but it just came out and now it stays :P ). Today I was walking to the shop and I happened across one of them dirty skanks who you always see accompanying these "RATDOGS" on a leash that looks like it's about to break the stupid dogs neck , she stared at me with malice and anger surely thinking I am scum as I have a beard and dirty construction worker clothes on. I literally just laughed out loud at her and her stupid dog loud enough so that she would have heard and went on my merry way just content that I know I am better than her at everything except being a dirty skank because she seems to be the queen of that ! .

What I dont get is when you see guys out on the streets walking these dogs and pretending like nothing is going on ...like its normal ...why dont you just bloody walk down the street with a pink barbie doll in your hand mate because that "RATDOG" is basically as bad as a barbie doll ... I mean I can sort of understand how you can get persuaded to get one of these poor excuses for a dog if your girlfriend really wanted one but fuck me I would NEVER be walking that stupid "RATDOG" , it's just against the principles of having testicles ...but oh whats that , you lost yours and you think your girlfriend has hidden them from you ....yeah thats what I think to mate ..man up and get a real dog mate ...seriously those dogs are so small and stupid just look at the size of their heads , not much area for brains in there is there ?

My last point is the fact that they just don't do anything , some dogs guard , some dogs fetch , some dogs can run fast , some dogs are just mean looking and intimidating ... "RATDOGS" do nothing except give me the indication that its owner is a complete idiot and there is a slight possibility that the "RATDOG" is somewhat more intelligent than its owner. ;) Please tell me im not the only one who feels this way.... :P



                                                       An example of when the dog can actually be smarter than its owner














That is all , Peace out , Catch .

How the hell have I become so bloody hairy !! :P

Hey hey hey everyone hope you are all feeling goooooood ;)

So yeah im pretty damn hairy and I am always wondering how this has occured because I am way hairyer than my dad and way hairyer than any of my living or possibly dead male reatives ...not so sure about the women because I havent checked :P. One time I was visiting my dad and he answered the door with no shirt on and I said " wow have u been shaving your chest " his response was,  " no why do you ask " hahaha seriously he has the same amount of hair on his chest as I did when I was about 16 ...its fucked up ....now im not sayingI dont like to be hairy because its kinda cool in some ways in that I can grow a big beard and get respect from my fellow men without even actally doing anything ( my beard is actually a product of my laziness ) but I am constantly getting compliments about it and thats cool ....on the other hand I do get a lot of dirty looks to even out the compliments so its good and also bad ;).

The main reason I hate being overtly hairy is that I grow a mane like a fucking horse if I dont get my girlfriend to shave my neck/back it becomes so big you could just imagine jumping onto my back and trying to ride me like a bucking bronco ...YYEEEEEEHAAAAAA ! :P Seriously I was at work the other day and I looked at my neck in the mirror and I noticed that my "mane" was getting as long as one of my little fingers and this was way way to much haha so later that day my lovely girlfriend Sara got the pleasure and joy of shaving my back/neck hair like I am some kind of monkey/gorrilla. Sometimes I have even noticed a couple of long hairs growing out from my freaken ears ....Jesus christ what  am I going to look like when im 40 ...im guessing I will just be a ball of hair walking down the street like cousin it from the Adams family. Ahwel not much I can do about it haha .... a few times I go my back/chest waxed and holy shitballs that was pain ...I have a tattoo and the pain was worse from waxing haha because its such a big area that gets pulled at the same time ...I remember my mate Amanda who was waxing me said wow look at the clump I just pulled out and I looked and I saw that all these bits of skin were still attatched to the roots and god damn that just made it hurt more . Either way im freaken pretty hairy but I always know that if I walk down the street in Greece my hairyness will look like that of a 14 year old boy in comparison to the Greeks haha

Is this what I will look like when im 40 ???










That is all , Peace out , Catch ! :D

So apparently people like my blog in Russia!!! Mostly Mr Vladamir Putin ;)

Hey hey hey my blogging friendarinos hope your all kicking along at a nice steady pace of awesome ;)

Sorry have'nt been blogging for a while but I have just been so busy as one of my good mates came to stay with us the other weekend here in Oslo and then last weekend I travelled to Ye old Scotland town ( Edinburgh ) to be at a good mate of mines wedding ...promise I wont do it again ....do you forgive me ?? ;)

Ok so yeah on my blog page I can see where I am getting views from around the world on a map of the world and recently ( when I have been inactive ) I have been getting heaps of views from old communist Russia ( probably shouldnt say that but hey u know what they say any publicity is good publicity so I have been lead to beleive :P ) So yeah in the last week I have had 43 page views from Russia ...maybe old Vladamir Putin feels threatened by my conversations about Syria and his old mate Bashar Al Assad who continues to commit unspeakable human atrocities DAILY !! The worst part is that the whole world is just sitting back and letting it happen basically ...I beleive this is partly due to the fact that Syria is allied with Russia and also Iran and so the rest of the world is just hoping they don't have to intervene because if they do then they will piss off Russia and Iran and possibly North Korea .... North Korea is a bloody joke haha im going to write about North Korea in a future blog as there is so much fucked up shit going on there it deserves its own blog ;)


           My new biggest No.1 fan could be Vladamir Putin ...we can go fishin together !!!!

All in all I genuinely hope that this attention from Russia is not related to my blogs about Syria and I hope they just like my witty and intelligent ( sometimes not so intelligent ) take on everyday life and also life around the world ...be it good or bad :). Also I would just like to thank the people who actually read my blog often because it really inspires me to come home from work and write all the shit that I do haha ... even if just one person reads a blog I would still consider it a success !! :)

That is all ,Peace out , Catch ! :D

Stop shitting so loud !! :P

Hey hey hey people hope you are all bloody fantastic :)

Ok so I was at work today doing my business on the toilet and somebody came and used the cubicle next to me to make a poo poo and this of course is fine . The thing was that what followed was disturbing to say the least ....it was like an eruption of epic proportions so big that im sure there was a huge amount of splashback onto the person in queston . It was really fucked up to hear and holy shit the smell was just as bad , I understand that sometimes this happens but it happens a fair bit at my work and its kinda weird , when this happens I am always finishing my business asap for 2 reasons ...one is just because its nasty to be in the same room as this and two is because I dont want to meet this person at the sink when im washing my hands because it will be uncomfortable . One time a guy did terrible things in the toilet including some kinda weird groaning/grunting sounds and then I met him at the sink and he just smiled like nothing happened and everything was normal ...umm buddy I have ears and I have a nose and you just did some fucked up things in there man. If I let off a bomb explosion shit ( and of course I have before ) im not exactly rushing to get out of the toilet if there is someone in the next cubicle , I have been known to wait a couple of minutes for them to finish or whatever just to avoid this awkward meeting at the sinks :P ....Weird ppl in this world haha

 Whilst im on the topic I just reminded myself about something funny that happened to me :P . I was on Moreton Island just off the coast of Brisbane and was camping with some mates and I got up to do my AGB ( after grog bog ) the morning after  big night. The toilets there were the ones with the big drop and just piles of shit that they must empty somehow ( don't wannt know ) , but the fucked up thing was that I got SPLASHBACK from the drop and this fucking amazes me because the drop is like nearly 2 metres I would say , I must have taken the most precisely rounded shit and explelled it with just the right amount of propulsion and angle for this to happen ... why oh why did this have to happen haha :P Not sure if everyone really needed to know this but hey I reckon it's funny and its my blog so it's done ! :P

That is all , Peace out , Catch :) . Have a good weekend my legions of fans ...all 5 of you ;)

#stop#tagging#every#god#damn#word###

Hey hey hey people how are you all :) , hope your all fine and dandy ;)

Ok so you all know what im talking about because this has seriously gotten out of hand. I don't really know wat tagging does but I think it just means that if people search for something an you have tagged about it then they have a bigger chance of finding it or something .... well big fucking deal. Its just stupid, soon people will be tagging the word #The . Just think its stupid and annoying and seriously people if you are that desperate for people to read about what the hell you are posting about then you have problems ....some people seem to have bigger problems than others I can see ;).

#That#Is#All,#Peace#Out#Catch ;)

TOM WATERHOUSE SHOULD BE ASSASINATED !!

hey hey hey all you Tom Waterhouse fans I hope your all well ;) :P

Ok for those of you who dont know Tom Waterhouse he is the owner of one of the biggest gambling websites in Australia and there are so many reasons to hate this man and this is what I will explain for you all is WHY everyone hates him .... I hate him more than I hate Bashar Al Assad ( well not really but almost ) . I just hate him and I love to hate him , just like most Australians ;).

The main reason why people hate him is because he has recently started to appear on the televised broadcasts of the National Rugby League which is one of the main sports in Australia ( the best sport in the world if you ask me :P ). Anyways the thing is that he is always giving us updates on the betting market and what he thinks about how the game is and what the market is for the last tryscorer etc yet he knows NOTHING about the game and more to the point he is just a complete and utter wanker who doesn't give a shit about the fact that gambling actually ruins so many lives and families in Australia and that its actually a big social problem that affects way to many people already. He really reminds me of Mr Burns in so many ways , and he just seems to have a face that would be so great to punch.

                        Is there a more punchable face in the world ???!!!...I think not !

 

In saying all this he is not actually the problem , the problem lies with the Australian government who doesn't regulate the gambling industry because they get way to much revenue from it , just look at what happened to pokie limits and changes to pokies to limit the amount problem gamblers can spend. NOTHING ! I read a news article recently about Tom Waterhouse and the writer described it perfectly when he said " its not the wolf's fault for being in the pen , a wolf does what a wolf will do ...its who LET him into the pen to begin with " and that is the extremely inept and toothless Australian government. Even with a huge backlash against live betting and betting being displayed and it's everywhere you look when you watch sport. The Australian governmet just turns a blind eye and pleads ignorance ...oh we didn't know that it affects so many Australians so adversly ...but it does ..and they KNOW this becaue of hard facts , but do they do anything ...NO !!!

All in all Tom Waterhouse is just the perfect person to hate , most of Australia already hated his controversial horse training mother Gai Waterhouse so it just makes it easier to hate him . He also comes across as so smug and you can just see his brain ticking over when he is giving these "live updates" MUHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE ALL MINE YOU USELESS PLEBBS, GIVE ME YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY BECAUSE IM BETTER THAN YOU !!!!

That is all , Peace out , Catch :)T